Page 47 of Chasing Smoke

“You got this,” Nina says.

I nod, still staring at the paper. “I know you’re right about this. Is it bad that I’m not looking forward to it, though?”

She shakes her head. “Of course not. But you’re a strong woman. Besides, just think of the prize waiting for you at the end. One prime and ready male specimen that half the women in Echo Lake dream about.”

I narrow my eyes, and she laughs.

Now I have to figure out a plan of how I can resist Ansel for however long it takes me to cross off these items from the list.

TWENTY-ONE

Ansel

We decided that I’d pick Collins up for the book club meeting, but she texted me earlier today and asked if I could pick her up a little early because she has something she wants to talk to me about.

That didn’t sound promising.

Did she somehow find out what I actually went to Portland for? I don’t know how she would. No one knows.

The only alternative is that she’s changed her mind about us, which I hope isn’t the case since she’s all I’ve thought about the entire trip there and back.

The interview went well, I think. It’s not as though they tell you much while you’re there. I’ll just have to wait to see if I’m selected for the second round of interviews. If that happens, I might have to consider what I’d actually do if I were offered a job with Portland Fire and Rescue.

But that day is not today.

I shove my hands in my pockets as I walk up the stairs to Collins’s front door. She opens it before I have a chance to knock, and her tentative smile says she’s nervous.

“Everything okay?” I walk into the house, and she shuts the door behind me.

“Why would you ask that?” She comes around to stand in front of me.

I tilt my head and tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. “You keep biting your bottom lip. It means you’re nervous.”

I attempt to pull her in by the waist, but she steps back, and my stomach does a nosedive.

Fuck. She’s regretting our last encounter.

I understand and I’ll respect it, but fuck, I don’t have to like it. I also feel like a total douchebag for putting her in the position to regret it in the first place.

I step back as well to give her some space and shove my hands back in my pockets. “What did you want to talk about?” I try to keep my voice even.

“I need to discuss what happened the last time we were together… it can’t happen again.”

And there it is.

I nod and break her gaze, staring at my boots. “Got it. Yeah, I shouldn’t have ever kissed you in the first place.” When I finally have the courage to look up at her, we lock eyes. “I’m really sorry, Collins.”

“Oh… no… I’m messing this up.” She steps forward and grips my upper arms. My head raises, and there’s a soft smile on her lips. “I’m not looking for an apology or to completely turn away from whatever this is between us. I just need to step back for a moment.”

Relief rushes through me, and that should probably concern me. “All right. I told you this can go at whatever pace you need it to.”

She nods over and over. “I talked to Nina about what happened.”

I swallow past the growing lump in my throat. I can only imagine what her best friend thought about us fooling around. “What did she say?”

“She thinks I’m not ready to get into a romantic relationship with anyone right now. And… I agree with her.” She looks sheepish.

Elliott would have a field day with me on this one. I can just hear him. “You convinced your best friend’s widow that there were feelings between the two of you? You’re out of your mind.”