Page 62 of No One But Us

“But...do you not want more?” I ask. It’s an effort not to sound anxious.

He sighs and presses his mouth to my neck, planting a soft kiss there. “You have no idea how badly I want more,” he says, his voice low and quiet beside my throat.

“Then don’t stop,” I urge him.

“Elle,” he says hoarsely, “I’m trying to do the right thing here, and you’re making it so hard.” He rolls off of me, gently pulling my tank back up. “I told you it can’t be more than this. For a lot of reasons. And I really meant it. If we sleep together, there’s going to be a part of me that feels like I’ve taken advantage of you.”

“How could it possibly be taking advantage of me?” I demand. “I’m saying yes, James. I know what you said, and I still want to.”

He looks at me, his eyes beseeching me to understand things he doesn’t want to put into words. “I want you to picture it, Elle. Picture us spending the rest of the summer sleeping together, being as intimate as two people can be. And then picture that last day, when you leave for school, and I leave for DC, knowing that it’s over. For good. With nothing to show for it, nothing in the future. No visits, no emails. Can you honestly say, when that moment comes, that you won’t feel like you were taken advantage of? That part of you won’t feel hurt, maybe even used? Because I would, in your shoes.”

I picture it. I picture everything he’s saying, with my stomach sinking.

He watches my face, pushing the hair back behind my ear. “That’s what I thought,” he says quietly.

“So what are we doing?”

He sighs heavily, tucking me into the crook of his arm. “I don’t know. I just know I don’t want you to leave.”

* * *

I wake in the morning back in my own bed. I left on my own, before he could suggest it. In spite of the conversation last night, a smile spreads over my face. He likes me. After all this time. I have hours and hours of proof of that. We kissed for so long that my lips feel swollen this morning. I wish he didn’t have to be so moral about everything, but if this is all I’m going to get from him, I’ll take it.

My mother can make her bad decisions, my father can forget I exist, Ginny can continue to veer unpredictably between sweet and spiteful. James Campbell has finally chosen me. Even if it’s temporary.

It’s early, and I’ll feel it later, but right now I’m too excited to go back to sleep. I head to the kitchen, where Max is already up. He’s made coffee instead of matcha today, thank God.

“When do you sleep?” I laugh.

He just grins. “Life’s too good to waste it sleeping.”

“So who did you not ‘waste it sleeping’ with last night?”

“If I knew her name, it wouldn’t be nearly as fun.”

I look at him curiously. In a way, his sleeping around doesn’t seem to line up with everything else I know about him. Sure, he wants to have a good time, but he doesn’t have shallow friendships, and despite his jokes, he’s actually been a good friend to both Ginny and me.

“You seem like the kind of guy who would want a relationship, Max,” I tell him. “Is it really such a terrifying idea to you?”

“No,” he says. “But a relationship wouldn’t really work for me.”

“Why not?” I ask.

He shrugs. “I lead a pretty unsettled life. Am I going to meet some girl in Colorado and then spend the six months I’m down here waiting for the next winter? Or vice versa?”

“Maybe you’d meet someone who wanted to migrate with you.”

He shakes his head. “That’s not the kind of girl I’d want to be with long-term. The girls I’m attracted to are more goal-driven than that.”

I laugh. “So your type is someone more like Ginny?”

“No,” he says, looking slightly panicked. “That’s not even vaguely what I just said.”

I take my coffee out onto the deck. The heat is already seeping through the pines, making the air heavy and fragrant. Because of this summer, it’s my new favorite smell.

“Hey,” says James, sliding the door closed behind him. That smile of his does things to me. The day is just getting started, and I think I may be spending it every bit as worked up as I was yesterday. He sits, turning his chair just enough that he can see me while sitting beside me. “I missed you this morning.”

“I snuck back upstairs in the middle of the night. You never know what time Max is getting home.”