Page 59 of Campus Fake

My voice was thick. “Thanks, Abby. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

Abby’s eyes became glassy with tears again. “Why didn’t you?”

I shrugged. I’d asked myself that question a number of times, especially on the plane ride back to Missoula, knowing that I would have questions to answer and people who deserved the truth.

“I don’t know,” I told her. “It was easier to just fake it. In California, I had my aunt and she knew everything, but when I came to Montana, it was like a fresh start and I could really be anybody.” My fingers found the frills along the edge of the pillow, picking at them as I kept going. “And even though I knew it wasn’t real—that I was faking it—I wanted it to be. I wanted to be that girl who made everyone around her feel better, who could light up a room with a simple smile whenever she entered. I wanted to be the girl who you knew you could come to and she’d always have your back. She’d always lift you up. She’d always be there. I wanted to be her so desperately.

“And I guess maybe it was a fake-it-till-you-make-it thing, because I think I did become her. It didn’t always feel like an act. But it also wasn’t fully real because I never felt like I deserved any of you. I never felt like I deserved your friendship or the loyalty of the hockey boys when they let me move in.” I pressed my face into the pillow for a beat, then looked back up at her. “And Lord knows I don’t feel like I deserve Harry.”

Abby and I were both tearing up at this point, but I wouldn’t apologize for my tears anymore. It was time the truth came out. It was time I let myself be free from the past that had haunted me.

Abby shook her head before she even started talking, like the emotion arrived before the words did. “Sam, friendship isn’t about what you deserve.” Her voice cracked and she had to take a breath. “It’s give and take. It’s being there for someone and letting them be there for you. And that’s what family should be too.” She tightened her grip on my hand. “Knowing you can always rely on that person, you can always go to them, call them at any time and they’re there for you. That was all real. We are always here for you, and never once have I doubted that you were always there for me. So even hearing you say that you think you were faking it, I’m telling you right now it was real.”

I liked her version of events. I liked believing that I hadn’t lied to all the people closest to me for five years, even if I had. Even if it was just a lie of omission.

“Can you forgive me?” I asked her.

She was already shaking her head. “There’s nothing to forgive. We’re best friends and you’re my family. I’m here for you through the highs and the lows, through the light and the dark, no matter what. As far as I’m concerned, you’re my sister.”

My tears were freely flowing down my face now. I hated crying like this, knowing the guys could walk out of the kitchen at any minute, but she had no idea the relief her words gave me. How much I had feared this conversation, feared that I had irreparably harmed our relationship, when she had truly always been like a sister to me too. And the relief of knowing that she was still here by my side, even though I had lost my parents and didn’t know where I stood with my brothers—it was everything.

It was exactly what I needed.

She grabbed a box of tissues and pulled them to us, handing me one while she took another. We blew our noses, laughing through our tears, and then she leaned forward and pulled me into a tight hug that I hadn’t even realized how badly I’d needed.

Abby pulled back and tucked her legs tighter underneath her, leaning in with an arched brow. “So what’s the deal with you and Gordy?” She pointed at me. “And no lies this time.”

I let out a laugh. “Well, let’s see. He lied to my brother when Jordan showed up at our door and said that he was my boyfriend.”

“Which he wasn’t?” she asked.

“No, he wasn’t,” I confirmed.

“But he is now?”

I nibbled my lip and covered my face before smiling and laughing at her. “Yes. He is definitely my boyfriend now.”

Her arms shot straight up. “Yes! Finally! I knew it. I knew there was something going on between you two. It was just a matter of time.”

I laughed, the feeling coming free and easy.

“For what it’s worth,” she said, once we both pulled ourselves together, “I’m really happy for you. Not about what went down with your parents. Fuck those guys.”

I chuckled because it wasn’t every day that Abby used a swear word. But then she continued. “But I mean about you and Gordy. You both really deserve happiness, and I’m glad you have each other.”

I was glad too. He had become more important to me than anyone else in my life, and that was a gift I wasn’t going to take for granted.

Just then, the guys walked out of the kitchen.

“Dinner is served,” Foster said, coming over to Abby. He bent down, his thumb gently wiping away the final trace of a tear from before. Then he kissed her.

I looked over and Harry was already watching me. He reached out his hand and I didn’t hesitate to take it.

From now on, I always would because Harry was my safe place.

TWENTY-EIGHT

It was Christmas Day, but it didn’t really feel like Christmas.