Page 48 of Hawk

“Fuck you.”

I feel a pop of one of his ribs when I apply more pressure, and his groan tells me that he’s feeling the pain. “I’m not someone to be fucking with, Phil. You don’t want on my bad side. I’ve fucking killed people who’ve ended on my bad side.” His eyes widen, and I know that I’ve gotten his attention. “Yeah, that’s right, man. You stay the fuck away from what’s mine, and I’ll let you live. But if I see or hear that you’ve come near them again, I will fucking kill you.” I push down again, driving my point across.

If I were back home, he wouldn’t live long enough to pull himself out of that alley, but I’m not in Las Cruces. I don’t have the safety net of my club to cover my ass, and I haven’t checked in with the local charter letting them know I’m here. Until I do that, I have to let him be. But if he thinks of testing me, he’ll know what the wrath of Devil’s Fury feels like.

Hawk

My chucks squeak against the cold white and black speckled tile of the hallway that leads to my mother’s room. The nurses’ station is empty. I’m not sure if the staff takes lunch at the same time, but knowing that anyone can come into the facility and into any room doesn’t sit right with me.

It’s been two days since I’ve seen Tessa, and it’s been hell staying away from her, but I’ve had other things more pressing. Like watching that fucker, Phil, go about his day. I needed to know his routine. It’s become essential for me to be one step ahead of him since I left him in that alley only a couple nights prior. Now that I’m thinking about Tessa, I wonder if she’s working today. I think she should be, but I don’t have her schedule nailed down. If she is, then I want to ask her about the policy of allowing the front desk to remain vacant like that.

I’m not sure where this sudden protectiveness of my mother has come from. I never thought I’d see the day where I didn’t want any harm to come to her. But I guess things change.

Like before, the door to her room is slightly ajar, so I push my way into the place. I clear my throat causing Rose to turn her head from the window and look at me. Recognition flashes in her eyes before sadness take over.

“Hi, Rose.” I clear my throat because I’m not sure where she is today. “Mom,” I correct myself.

“Hawking?” Her brows are creased, and the thin lines along her mouth are more pronounced. “This can’t be.” She’s talking to herself more than me, and this tells me that she doesn’t remember two days ago when she was speaking to me like we’ve chatted every day for my entire life.

“It’s me.” I wipe my sweating hands on the front of my jeans as I make my way farther into her room. I take a seat in the chair that’s always next to her bed. I wonder who else has sat here. I wonder if Tessa spends time with her while she’s working. Do the nurses take the time to chat with her? Or does she spend her days alone in this room? Have my sisters come by to see how she is?

She takes in my appearance. I’m dressed in dark jeans and a plain white T-shirt. I learned after my first visit not to wear my cut. The images, the patches that adorn the leather, hurt her, and that’s not what these visits are supposed to be about. Not anymore anyway. Not after I saw what was in that file, Dyke gave me.

“How?”

“I’ve been here, almost every day for the past couple of weeks.” I’m not going to handle her with kids gloves–not when I know that she’s lucid. I may go along with her thoughts when she’s not all there, I don’t think telling her what she thinks is wrong will help her. But now that she’s here, I’m going to be honest with her. I’m not sure how long she’ll be around for.

“I–I don’t understand?” She shakes her head as she pulls herself up in the bed.

“I have a friend that works here, and she told me you were here.” I keep that fact that Tessa is from back home out of the conversation. I’ve also learned that any talk of Las Cruses brings an adverse reaction and that makes her retreat into herself. This is tricky because I need to hear from her what my father did to make her flee New Mexico and leave her family all those years ago.

“Oh. I see,” she says as she tries to straighten her hair. “I wish I would have known you were coming by. I would have gotten ready.”

“You look beautiful.”

“You’re my son. You have to tell me that even if it’s not true.”

I can’t help my laugh a little at her personality, something I wish I grew up with. I have no doubt that what Bianca told me is true. She and Rose were thick as thieves when they were younger. It wasn’t the fact that their husbands ran the club together. They were friends because they wanted to be.

When I don’t say anything, she continues. “So, what brings you here? I mean, I left you. I’m sure you have questions. You might as well ask them before I’m no longer here.”

I sit up. “You aren’t going anywhere.”

“Oh, sweet son. You and I both know that isn’t true.” She pats the blanket next to her. “It’s been over twenty years, Hawking. Be a dear, even though I don’t deserve it, and come to sit near your mama.”

I swallow past the lump in my throat, unsure if I can be that physically close to her. I haven’t allowed myself to remember the times when I would sit on her lap with her arm wrapped around me. When I finally get the courage to look at her in the eye, I see the fear of rejection. She’s scared and rightfully so. She’s made mistakes, and I don’t think they’re just with me. I’m sure she’s live the past twenty years creating mistake after mistake.

Without another word, I get up from my seat and bring my leg up on the bed, taking up the spot where she had her hand. She doesn’t hesitate as she takes my hand in hers and rubs her thumb gently over my skin. I can feel the sting of my nose, and I fight against the emotions that are churning in my stomach. Tilting my head back, I look at the ceiling urging myself to get my emotions in check. You’re Devil’s Fury, Hawk. A man’s man. We do not break. The voice of my father rings through my mind.

“It’s okay, son. I’ve cried enough for the both of us,” she says as she pats my hand. I take a deep breath, and I roll my head in her direction. Tears roll down her cheeks, and it breaks my fucking heart. She doesn’t make a sound as she cries. She suffers in silence. When I reach up to wipe them from her face, she grabs my hand and brings it back down in my lap.

“I don’t deserve your kindness,” she whispers, but I know that’s far from the truth. She turns her head away from me, concentrating on what’s happening beyond this room, beyond her heartbreak.

“Mom?”

The voice from the other side of the room has me turning my head.

Rose squeezes my hand. “Rhea, baby. Your brother and I were just talking about you.”