Page 30 of Hawk

“Your sisters.”

I take a step back as the adrenaline starts to pump through my veins. “Wait. What do you mean they’re my sisters?”

“Come on, Hawk. You’re a smart kid. The taller one, her name is Loa. The younger one, her name’s Rhea. They’re both from the same man, a one James Calhoon. She met him not long after she left New Mexico. They dated briefly, and when she ended up pregnant, they married. Shortly after Loa was born, she became pregnant with Rhea.”

“Wait. She never divorced my father. How can she be married to another man?”

“That’s a great question. My take is that she never told this guy that she was already married in another state. I’m sure wherever they got the marriage license didn’t check that fact. Or the fact that she was using her maiden name of Lemont. Either way, this guy thinks he’s been married to her for the past twenty years.”

“Is he still in the picture? I sat with her for two days, and no one came to visit.”

“He left her about five years ago. She’s spent the past decade more drunk than sober. I guess her love for the drink wasn’t working for his career, so he took the girls and left.”

“Fuck,” I groan as I look down at the picture, flipping through the rest.

“Rhea seems to be following in her mother’s footsteps. She’s been picked up countless times for public intoxication–barely graduated high school. Now she’s working at some fast food joint and spends more time on her friends’ couches than she does in her own bed, but her father doesn’t know that. He’s kinda washed his hands of her.”

“So Loa goes to school?”

“Yeah. She’s enrolled in Cal State LA, on a full ride scholarship, studying biological sciences.”

I shuffle through a few more pictures of the girls through the years as I listen to Dyke tell me more about their childhood. He doesn’t have much to say about Rose. I’m not sure if that’s because he doesn’t have the information, which I doubt, or he knows that I’m in no hurry to hear it.

Stuffing the pictures back into the envelope, I start to go through the paperwork. There isn’t anything exciting, and nothing tells me what kind of life my mother had. Once I get to a thin stack of papers clipped together is when I see that I’m finally going to get some answers. I look up to Dyke, and he nods, confirming what I haven’t asked.

“Those are transcripts of therapy sessions your mother has had over the past twenty years. Mind you, there aren’t many, but I feel that what’s in there will help you understand why your mother did what she did. Brother or not, Hawk, what your father did wouldn’t have been tolerated by Devin if he had known—no ifs, ands, or buts about it. He’s lucky he’s dead.” He turns and walks away without another word.

I swallow the lump in my throat as I take in words.

Forced Penetration

Prostitution

Rape

‘Patient states ex-husband forced her to perform sexual acts with other men. The patient states that the ex-husband used threatening techniques. He used their minor child, Hawking Gentry, as leverage against the patient. Patient states this went on for several months before she decided to leave the situation. Patient declares that the welfare of herself and her son was at risk if she tried to part with the minor child.

Rose didn’t abandon me, no. She left to protect me.

Hawk

Have you ever felt like it didn’t matter how fast you were going, you’d never make it to your destination? How the road that’s stretched out before keeps going with no end in sight? Yeah, well that’s how I’ve felt for the past nine hours.

* * *

Once I pass through the last of the mountains, I see the same hazy city lined with buildings that look like their stacked on top of each other. Another few minutes and the cab of my truck fills with the stench of exhaust while blaring horns surround me. I twist my head on my neck, loosening the tense muscles that ten hours of driving creates. Flipping on the turn signal, I float through several lanes and get off on my exit.

As soon as the glass doors slide open, the cool air hits my face. It seems warmer today than it did the first time I came here. You know what they say, it’s always sunny in Los Angeles, and I’m beginning to believe them. I stop at the nurse’s station and wait for the nurse behind the counter to lift her head in acknowledgment. She is leaning over—a clear view of her small tits and barely their cleavage. When she’s done jotting in what I think is a patient file she lifts her redhead and her eyes land on me. She bites her lip, trying to hide a smile. Her eyes darken as she blatantly checks me out.

“Can I help you, sir?”

“I’m here to see Rose Calhoon. I know where her room is, so I’ll head over.”

It isn’t until I’m a few feet away that she calls out to me. “She’s down for tests. You’ll have to wait.” I lift my hand over my head, letting her know that I heard her.

As soon as I reach the door, I let myself in. The room doesn’t look any different. Entirely barren, void of anything that would signify that her children, my sisters have come to visit. I wonder if she ever let them in on how her life was or if she left that shit to her shrink. Dyke said her husband left her several years ago. Did he know what she went through? Did she ever talk about me? Do they know I exist? The anger and resentment that I’ve held towards that woman have seemed to weaken. They aren’t entirely gone, but now I’m curious to know why she thought she was saving me by leaving me in the hands of the one man who almost destroyed her. I have so many Goddamned questions in my head with high probability that they’ll go unanswered.

I’m at the window when I hear a squeak of rubber against the tile of the floor. “Come on, Rose.”