Page 48 of Sin

I cover my mouth with my hand as a smile spreads across my face. I glance to Savannah and see the same smile on her face that mirrors mine. My chest expands as I watch the monitor, focusing on the flutter of the baby’s heart. The tech flicks more switches and types on the keyboard. “What are you doing?”

“Measuring the heart.” She shakes her head and snorts. “Don’t worry, Dad. The beat is strong, but I want to make sure it’s developing as it should be.” She takes a few more readings. “Everything looks good.” She regards Doc with this information. “The baby is developing on track. It’s measuring seventeen weeks and four days.”

“Holy shit.” Sin whispers. “That’s the baby?”

“Yes,” the tech responds.

I’m not sure what I expected when I visualized seeing my baby for the first time. I mean really seeing it. The first appointment I had it was just a smudge in the darkness of my womb. There wasn’t anything that I saw that I could make out so I took Doc’s word when he explained to me what I was supposed to be seeing. But now? Now I see the baby clear as day and it scares me. I’m going to be a mother, single, alone. Trying to raise a child with enough love for both a mother and a father. Seeing the precious life before me, I know without any doubt that I will risk my life to protect my child. Especially from its father. Fear and all, I will protect it.

“Sugar?” There’s worry in his voice as he says my name. “What’s wrong?” Not being able to speak in fear that I’ll lose it, I only shake my head. There's tightness in my chest as I’m overcome with emotion. I blow out a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart. Matthew’s thumb brushes against my face.

“I’m okay.” I say. “Just seeing the baby makes it all the more real, you know? There’s a baby in there.”

“Yeah, sugar, there is. The cutest baby I’ve ever seen.”

“Sweet talker.” I smile, trying to make light of the situation. He’s such a fixer, but right now, I need it.

I lay back I watch the tech take pictures and measurements of the baby. A few months ago, when I saw the tests for the first time so many things raced through my mind, but one word stuck, ‘abortion’. I was going to abort the baby because by doing that, I was going to sever whatever tie I had with Tyson. Without the child, there would be no reason for me to continue with him. I would end the life of our child just so I would have a chance to live mine. That was my struggle. That was my decision I made when I left his house that day. I felt that was the only choice I had. I had to save the baby before Tyson had a chance to destroy its life. That was the excuse I made, that was why I was going to terminate its life. I was doing it out of love.

Then I woke up in Sin’s room. I didn’t know him as Matthew yet. As I stared into the softest blue eyes I had ever seen, I had the feeling that everything was going to be okay. Suddenly, the fear that I've lived with for the past four years had been replaced by the feeling of safety. In the room of a stranger, in a clubhouse of bikers with tattoos, surly beards, foul mouths and tough leather, I found shelter in the last place I thought I would ever find my safe haven.

When Sin stood up to Tyson and claimed this baby as his own was the first time, I realized I would do this. That I could do this. I was going to raise this child the way it deserved. My love would be enough for it. But watching Matthew’s reaction now, in the darkness of the room seeing how he’s so engrossed in this child, so worried about it, I know that I don’t want to do this alone. I don’t want to be enough for my child. I want to give my child more. To give it the warmth and strength of Matthew and the protection of Sin.

A sudden wave of warmth comes over me. I run my hand over my forehead, pushing on my temple looking for some relief. Suzanne glances my way and gives me a stiff nod. I take a deep breath, as I peer up at the screen. “Everything looks good. The baby is developing on track. It’s measuring seventeen weeks and four days.”

“Great.” he says. “I think everything’s good, Savannah. I just think you’re extremely sensitive and your stomach is letting you know that. I don’t think there is anything to worry about. Your baby is developing. You can go about life as normal. Physical exercise and sexual intercourse is all alright. There isn’t anything to worry about at this point.”

“Would you like to know the sex?” Suzanne asks.

“Oh, well.” I glance over at Sin. He’s facing the monitor but he has his body twisted, looking my way. “I’m not sure. I haven’t thought that far ahead.”

“It’s up to you,” she says. “If you look here.” She rubs the wand over my stomach again. “The baby is in perfect position for me to tell.”

“Savannah? You’re killing me, sugar.”

There’s no way I can fight the look of complete adoration on his face. “Alright, let’s do this.”

Suzanne pushes down on my stomach with the wand and the baby comes back into view on the monitor. “Right about there.” She says but I can’t take my eyes from Sin’s expression. He’s no longer looking at the monitor on the wall; instead, he’s watching me intently. “Think pink.” She says and I let out an overwhelming sob.

“Come on, sugar, let’s get my girls fed.” Matthew escorts me to an older looking muscle car. The flat black paint and chrome highlights make it looks mean.

“Whose is this?” I question as he opens the door.

“Bubba’s. I wasn’t going to have you on the back of my bike in your condition.”

Snickering I respond, “You know I’ve already been on your bike in my condition.”

He shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose, “Yes, I realize now that I shouldn't have done that. That was careless on my part and I'll never put either of you in danger like that again.”

He drops his head and takes a deep breath. He brings his eyes to meet mine and that’s when I see it, the guilt burning, clouding the blues I’ve come to love so much. The thoughts of how he’s put me in danger, how his decisions put our lives in jeopardy. I playfully smacked him on the shoulder. “Come on now, Matty, I'm sure I'm not the first pregnant woman to be on the back of a motorcycle. Besides, you didn’t even know I was pregnant then.”

He grabs my hand, “No, I'm sure you're right, but you're the first woman pregnant or not on the back of mine.

“Well,” I smile. “I hope to be able to ride it again, one day.” I look down and trace my hands over the slight roundness of my stomach. “Just not any time soon.”

“No.” He shakes his head. “Definitely not anytime soon.”

I move to get in the car, but stop “Matthew?” Our eyes meet. “Thank you. Thank you for everything that you’ve done. Everything that you’ve sacrificed for me. You didn’t have to, you know. You could have walked away when you first found me. But I’m grateful that you didn’t. You’ve given me a chance to be happy.” I rub my stomach again. “You’ve given her a chance to live.”