Page 97 of Shine Bright

“I don’t hate you. I couldn’t.”

She nods with relief. And then we move toward each other at the same time. At this moment, it doesn’t matter what happened. That she ended it before it even really began. That I thought about her every day and hated seeing only her mask, not the real Lia. Never Ophelia. None of that matters now.

I pull her toward me, and together we fall back onto the mattress, my arms wrapped around her slim waist. She nestles her face against my chest. No kiss. No heat. Just an embrace. Silence spreads between us, and then we hear the soft tapping of raindrops on the window. I know we both must be thinking of that other night. Those other raindrops.

“Why did you come to me?” I ask quietly.

She doesn’t hesitate for a second. “Because you’re the only one I wanted to talk to.”

Secret for secret.

Over and over again.

The problem with too many secrets is that they eat into your heart, your soul. Your whole being. And when you know enough secrets, when you see the person behind the mask, there are only two options left.

Leave.

Or stay.

Lia has taken root in me, and with every secret, with every glimpse behind her facade she’s allowed me, she has stolen a part of me. And in return, she has given me a part of herself. But that won’t change anything. Nothing at all.

Because she was right on that day weeks ago, when she ended whatever could have been between us. I’m still her teacher. She’s still my student. I have a daughter whom I will not abandon again, and she has dreams she can’t give up.

We’re doomed to fail, either way.

But not today. Not now. Not when it’s raining outside and she feels so perfect in my arms.

So I tell her my secret.

“I’ve fallen in love with you, Ophelia.”

Chapter 48

Ophelia

I’ve fallen in love with you, Ophelia.

Phoenix’s words stay with me as I fall asleep in his arms. They stay when I wake up the next morning, still in his arms, my back resting against his chest and his heartbeat next to mine. His breath is warm and deep against my skin.

And they stay with me as I sneak out of his apartment in his clothes and make my way back to school.

I didn’t say it back to him. I didn’t tell him I feel the same way he does, that I’ve fallen in love with him too. I’m sure he already knows. What good would it do to say it? What would it change?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Just because we admit our feelings doesn’t mean we’re suddenly going to find a solution to all our problems. And we have problems. A lot of them. Far too many to ignore.

Still, it hurts less now that he’s said it. When I finally see him in class, I’m almost sure he told me so I would know that there’s someone who loves me. Someone who not only sees me for who I am but loves me just the way I am.

We don’t exchange a word with each other all day, but it’s not quite as unbearable to be around him as it’s been for the last few weeks. It’s not as hard to look at him or to rehearse with him and Tyler in the studio under the roof. It’s not easy, but at least it doesn’t tear my heart into pieces every time.

Still, it doesn’t change the longing inside me, the desire to feel his skin on mine, his hands on my body, his lips on my mouth. I try to ignore it during breakfast and practice, during lunch break and rehearsals. But it’s not until late afternoon when there’s a hesitant knock on my door that I stop thinking about him for the first time.

Jase is standing out in the hallway, looking at me with his green eyes wide, a mixture of reluctance and regret in his gaze. He’s pale with dark circles under his eyes, as if he didn’t sleep half the night. That makes two of us.

I look quickly down the corridor, but he’s alone. I have no idea why I expected Zoe to be with him. Maybe because they always seem to be together. I also don’t know why I’m not surprised to see him. Maybe because I would have been standing outside his door too, if he’d been in my place yesterday.

“Hi.” He’s the first to find his voice.