Page 76 of Shine Bright

“You wanted to,” he repeats a little incredulously, and I have to smile.

“Yes,” I say. “I want to tell you everything, Phoenix.”

His eyes flicker. Pain, guilt, fear. I can see it, and all at once I feel cold.

“Damn it, Ophelia, what are you doing to me?”

I sit up, my pulse racing. “Phoenix, what—”

His eyes flutter shut for just a moment before his tormented gaze meets mine again. “I have to tell you something.”

Chapter 38

Phoenix

Don’t tell her. Don’t do it. You chose the selfish option, remember? You decided to choose the moment yourself. You decided not to ruin what you have with her right away, just because you feel guilty. You don’t have to tell her just because she wants to tell you everything.

The voice in my head is trying very hard to stop me, but it’s too late, and it doesn’t matter that I’m already changing my mind just a few hours after Brooklyn left.

Lia sits up, her eyes so wide that her pupils almost obscure her green irises. “Why does this sound like it’s going to be something I don’t want to hear?” she asks, her voice shaking.

Because it’s something I don’t want to say.

“I lied to you.” Short and sweet. Or not. It feels more like it’s about to cause a hell of a lot of pain, judging by the pressure spreading in my chest.

She blinks, not understanding. How could she? But she steps back because her body reacts faster than her mind and realizes that distance is probably safer for both of us right now. She moves away, and suddenly I feel very empty.

“You lied to me?” she echoes in a whisper. “About what?”

I take a breath.

Don’t say it. Don’t.

But I’ve already started, I can’t stop now. I can’t take it back.

I exhale.

“When I told you about Isabel, I—” I have to clear my throat; my voice isn’t responding properly. “I left out part of the story.”

She moves back a little farther, and all I want to do is reach out for her again and pull her close, to feel her skin against mine. I should have kissed her again before I told her the truth. My hands clench at my sides, clawing the bedspread. I need something to hold on to.

“What do you mean?”

“Isabel was pregnant.” The words burn like acid in my throat.

Lia turns pale. “What?” she whispers.

“She was pregnant,” I repeat. You’d think it would hurt less to say it the second time, but it doesn’t. It’s even more painful. And it’s getting even worse because I have to keep talking and explain everything, because it’s important. I can’t stop now.

“We didn’t plan it, of course. We were so young. Too young. It was difficult for both of us, more for me than for her. I had dreams and plans, and it totally went against the life I had been working toward for the last few years. It felt so unfair. Isabel and I—” I falter and break off, my head is spinning. Images and memories, too many arguments, and words that couldn’t be taken back.

“Phoenix—” Lia begins, but she stops when I shake my head.

“No, I have to. Let me, please.”

She bites her lower lip and nods. I think she understands that I have to keep talking. If I stop, I don’t know if I’ll ever find the strength to start again.

“We argued a lot. My mother got involved, and so did her parents. But most of all, Isabel and I fought too much, because we wanted different things. We argued even about things that didn’t matter at all, like whether we should leave town. It made no difference, and we still argued about it. But I knew I probably wouldn’t get a place in the Boston City Ballet, and from the beginning she refused to even consider moving somewhere else with me, even though it would have been two years before we would have had to make that decision. It was ridiculous and unnecessary, but we were both so overwhelmed by the situation that we couldn’t help it.”