Page 45 of Abiding Blood

“Vincent,” Julian said. His tone drew my attention, and I turned to see him standing in the firelight. He looked worried, folded in on himself, somehow smaller. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t realize what you’d have to go through to get those things. From now on, I can gather my own supplies.”

“No,” I said, shaking my head, damp locks brushing my neck. “I don’t think it’s safe for you to be in those houses, near the dead.”

“What about you? I never would have made that list if I thought you might have to…put yourself in danger.”

“You don’t need to worry about me,” I said. I hung the damp towel over the back of a chair, then stepped in front of Julian. “I can’t get sick. This disease doesn’t affect me the way it would you. I wouldn’t have risked your health by going there if I thought I could pick this up and pass it to you. We’re both safe as long as I’m the one who goes.”

“Oh, well, I’m still sorry.” He took a deep breath. “You know, I would have still agreed to let you…you know. Even if you didn’t bring anything back. My offer didn’t depend on you providing for me.”

“Neither did mine,” I said.

Julian’s body language was all over the place. He was clearly nervous, so I stepped back and gave him space to settle. This offer had to be Julian’s choice, and I wouldn’t pressure him, even with my presence. I wanted this to work. I needed this to work. The only way I saw this lasting long-term, or at least through the winter, was through trust and restraint on my part—though I was mostly unfamiliar with those traits.

Julian went to the sofa and sat on one end, leaning his back against the arm, his shoulders hunched. He pulled at the sleeves of his sweatshirt, avoiding my gaze. “So, um, how do we do this?” he asked, anxiety radiating from him like heat from the fire.

“We don’t need to unless you’re sure. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” I said, surprised to realize that, as hungry as I was, I truly meant it.

Julian took another deep breath and looked me in the eye. “I do want to,” he said, and I could tell he meant it too. “So, how is it done?”

I sat at the far end of the couch, trying to calm the anticipation building within me. “Well, one of two ways seems best. I could make a small cut, let some blood flow into a glass, and drink from it, or I could bite you.” I winced. “Which sounds bad, I know, but it would probably be less painful and quicker.” Julian’s eyes widened when I mentioned biting. I couldn’t blame him; it did sound bad. “I would only take a little. You wouldn’t be in any danger.”

“I suppose you’ve done this before?” Julian said, lifting one corner of his mouth to show he was joking.

“Yes, many times. Most of the time, the person wasn’t even aware.”

“And if you bit me, I won’t become a…” Julian gestured toward me.

“No. That would require an exchange of blood. You’ll be just as you were before,” I assured him.

Julian nodded. “Okay, I think option two sounds better,” he said, unconsciously raising a hand to his neck.

“Oh, no,” I said, realizing my omission. “I’ll take from your arm if you’re comfortable with that. The neck is a bit…intimate.”

Julian whipped his hand away from his throat. “Right, of course.” He pushed up a sleeve of his sweatshirt.

I stood to move closer, and Julian tensed. I realized that having a vampire looming over him wouldn’t do. Julian needed to feel in charge. I wanted him to feel he was giving to me, not being taken from.

Julian sat motionless on the sofa, waiting. I stepped closer and lowered myself to the floor at Julian’s feet. It was strange. I’d never put myself below a human before, physically or otherwise. This was a first, but it felt right.

I pushed myself forward, getting as close to Julian as I could without touching him. I was eager, but I reminded myself to move slowly and give Julian time to adjust to being so near. Eventually, he seemed to relax a bit, and I nodded toward his arm.

I held myself still, waiting for Julian to move, hesitant to initiate contact. At that moment, Julian looked down at me with such trust that it was nearly heartbreaking. I reached up, and Julian placed his arm—palm up—in my waiting hand.

I bent my head over his outstretched arm, then paused to look up into Julian’s eyes. “I will numb the skin first. My saliva is slightly anesthetic, but it might take a minute,” I said.

I’d done this thousands of times, but I’d never explained the process. I wanted to make this as easy as possible for Julian and make sure he knew what was coming. Slowing down also gave me a chance to gauge my own reaction. Julian nodded, and I continued.

As my lips brushed Julian’s bare skin, my fangs shot painfully from my upper jaw, and I had to resist the urge to strike out at what was so generously offered. I took a calming breath and traced my tongue over Julian’s soft skin, waiting for the numbness to take hold and for my heart to settle. Julian shifted uncomfortably in his seat, and I waited for him to still before touching him with my teeth.

When I was fairly certain Julian was numb, I opened wider and bit down as gently as possible. Julian gasped as my fangs sank deeply, opening a vein, yet he remained motionless. Blood filled my mouth, and I struggled to stifle a groan rising in my throat. Julian’s blood was clean, warm, and tasted heavenly. I pressed my lips to Julian’s skin and took several steady pulls, swallowing only a few mouthfuls. I felt the bliss of feeding, yet I wasn’t overwhelmed. My nerves settled, letting me focus on Julian. The man seemed nervous but was all right.

Not nearly satisfied, I forced myself to withdraw my fangs and wait for the bleeding to slow. I pulled back a few inches, put my thumb in my mouth, and bit down hard. As soon as my blood flowed, I rubbed my thumb quickly over the wound on Julian’s arm, massaging it lightly until I felt the punctures close. I cleaned off the remaining blood with my tongue. And it was over.

Releasing Julian’s arm, I looked up. Julian sat there, staring back with a blank expression. I couldn’t tell how the man was feeling, and worry wormed its way through my middle. “Are you okay?” I asked.

Julian nodded, pulling his arm back and looking down at it. “I don’t see any marks,” he said, his voice hollow and detached. I hoped he wasn’t going into shock again. Julian ran his fingers over the spot where I’d bitten him. “It feels strange.”

“My blood seals the wound, but you might bruise later. Did I hurt you?”