Page 64 of Forgiving Utah

I cringe hard at the sound of my sperm donor’s name. “Don't call me that, fucker. And this is my room. Which I told you to get out of.”

“You want me to go?” His gaze finds mine again, brows raised in question. The sadness on his face makes me so damn pissed, and I hate it.

“Tell me why you're mad. What happened? Did Logan's pasta give you indigestion, old man?”

He knees me in the hip, lips twitching. “Fuck off, I'm only five years older than you.”

“Ancient ass dinosaur with an attitude problem.”

“This dinosaur sucks your dick pretty good,” he fires back, grinning lazily. It almost looks like the one he'd wear during the tour, and my heart jumps at the sight.

“Look, man,” I start as I scrub at my forehead. “If you wanna talk about shit, I'm here, or whatever. Taylor went through similar stuff and I helped him through it.”

Devon gazes at me for a long moment. “Taylor. Right.” He flops onto his back. “You have a thing for him?”

My hackles raise immediately. “Seriously? I'm trying to help you here and you wanna be an asshole?”

“I'm just curious,” he shrugs. “Dude lived on the other side of that wall for years. I know you two shared chicks. Did you jerk off to his noises, too?”

“So what if I did? What's it to you, motherfucker? I like listening and watching people fuck. I won't apologize for it.”

Devon hums, dragging a hand down his bare torso before slipping it beneath his pants. “You definitely like to watch, judging from how hard you got when we fucked your girl last summer.”

My cock thumps at the memory, but I scowl at him. “You know what I didn't like watching? You fucking her behind my back when I walked into the RV.”

The flirty expression falls from his face.

We stare at each other silently, and he removes his hand. “I know. I'm sorry.”

Feeling exhausted all of a sudden, I rub my eyes with a heavy sigh. Fuck, I have to get up early tomorrow. “I'm sick of being angry over it. This ain't like me. Being mad at people, holding grudges. I'm not like that, man. Never have been. Just tell me why you did it so we can move the fuck on.”

Dev sits up against the headboard slowly, no longer meeting my gaze. He squints at my terrarium as he tongues his lip piercing. “I did it because I wanted her to choose me over you.”

“Wow.” My half-hard dick deflates instantly. “You really are a piece of shit, Devon.”

“No, I know, but that’s not what I meant.” Inhaling a shaky breath, he finally looks me in the eye. “You didn't choose me. That fight in the hotel room? Hell, even when I asked you who sucked dick better, you chose Arya. But when it came down to it, she didn't choose you back.”

“Thanks for the fucking reminder.”

He shakes his head before letting it thump against the wall. “I'm explaining this all wrong. It's like… it hurt, okay? Being passed over yet again. I just wanted someone to want me back for once.”

An uncomfortable feeling stirs in my chest. Unable to come up with a reply, I just let my attention bounce around his chest and abs until he continues.

“You ever been the guy people only want around when you’re fun? When you’re drunk or carrying enough blow to make them forget everything?”

“Dev—”

He huffs out a humorless laugh. “You’ve probably never felt shit like that. Your friends and family actually want you around, even when you have nothing to offer. Just because they love you. Nobody wants me around.”

It's on the tip of my tongue to scoff, to tell him that people love him, but I stop myself because it's an automatic response. That's what we tell people when they say things like this, right? You matter, you're loved, you have so many people who care about you. But… does he, really?

Does Devon have anyone in his life at this point? Logan, maybe. I don't know much about the shit with his parents, but from the looks of it, they're not close. And yeah, he's a raging asshole who pushes people away with his attitude, but Jesus. Isn't there like… someone out there that doesn't let him?

Taylor and I have that. I guess him and Huck, too. Logan and Salem have that. So do Matty and Xed.

Who does Devon have?

“Anyway,” he continues. “I'm sorry. I was high and lonely. Jealous. I wanted you to hurt as much as I did. It was messed up.”