Page 35 of Forgiving Utah

“Everyone!” I explode, immediately regretting my outburst when Taylor flinches at the volume of my voice. “Every time you crashed, I picked you up. Every time someone got into trouble, I handled shit. You, our friends, my siblings. That’s how it’s always been.”

My best friend goes completely still. “So you thought the solution was to go through this alone?”

“I thought if I fixed things fast enough, you’d never know.”

He shakes his head slowly. “Christian…”

“I needed you to trust me still, because if you stop doing that… then what the hell am I?” The words burn like acid on my tongue. “What good am I to everyone if I lose my shit?”

Taylor steps closer to grip my shoulders tightly. “You’re still you,” he says in a soft voice. “You’re just human, and sometimes humans break down.”

“I don’t want to be human then,” I mutter.

“Too bad,” he snorts. “Everyone runs into something they can't muscle through. It's just your turn.”

“I didn’t want to disappoint you by being…”

“Weak?” His expression cracks just a little. “Dude. You'd only disappoint me if you never gave me the chance to help you fix this like you've done for me.”

“How? I feel like I fucked us up for good, Tay.”

“We'll fix it,” he says again, more firmly. “We always figure shit out, yeah?”

A broken laugh bursts out of me. “I don't know what to do.”

“Hey. Look at me.”

I meet his gaze reluctantly. Part of me wishes I could just… hug him. Lay my head on his shoulder and cry, but that'd be weird for homies to do. Probably. I mean, he's seen me come, but letting him see me cry is where I draw the line.

“Salem will be home next week,” he explains. “It’s time we had a company meeting anyway. She and Logan can help us figure out our shit, okay?”

“Yeah, maybe, but⁠—”

“No buts. We'll strategize and come up with something. Everything will work out. Say it.”

My throat tightens all over again. “Everything will work out.”

“Louder.”

Glaring, I repeat myself. “Everything will work out.”

“There we go. Knew you had it in you.”

With a scoff, I shove him away, but he doesn't go far. For the first time since I opened my big mouth inside Arnie’s, I feel like I can breathe—at least for right now. The thought of Logan moving out and leaving me alone terrifies me, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Taylor exhales slowly. “So, we good now?”

“Yeah. We're good.”

“You done being a dick?”

My lips quirk. “No promises, but… thanks, cariño.”

“Don’t thank me yet. Salem's gonna tear you a new asshole.”

I toss my head back with a groan. “Fuck, she's gonna murder me.”

“Worse. She's gonna give you a lecture.”