Page 103 of Forgiving Utah

Xed smirks. “Christian's home life seemed pretty sweet growing up.”

Directing my attention back to the window, I lift a shoulder. “Not everything is always as it seems. I'm sure from the outside, my grandparents looked like role models.”

No immediate response follows, and the silence stretches so long that I look to find him studying the wall with that thoughtful expression on his face again.

When he meets my gaze, his gold-flecked eyes seem guarded. “All I want to say is be careful with our friends. They've been through so much already, you know? I'd hate to see anyone get hurt again.”

“I know.”

His gaze sharpens slightly. “Are you sure?”

The implications of what he's asking make my throat burn. “I don’t want to be that guy anymore. The one who always ruins shit, like Matty said.”

“Then don’t be.”

“Wow.” A humorless laugh leaves my lungs. “Groundbreaking advice.”

Xed gives me a small smile. “I’m serious. You’re here, and you’re sober. You’re trying. That's all that matters. Don't let anyone make you feel like shit for it.”

Before I can answer, Matty calls his name from the kitchen.

“Dinner should be ready soon,” he says, turning to leave. Something makes him pause, though, and he faces me once more. “I’m glad you’re here, Dev. Really.”

With that, he leaves me alone in his living room, surrounded by the life he's built himself over the past two years.

Glad you’re here.

The words echo around me, unsettling in their sincerity. No strings attached, no expectation that I give something back in exchange. Just… glad for my presence. As if that makes any fucking sense.

And I don’t know what I'm supposed to do with it.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

Christian

Dinner is loud and messy, exactly like how I grew up. Yet somehow I’d forgotten just how overwhelming it can be.

All of us sit crowded around the table with overflowing plates. Hannah’s between Tay and Salem, swinging her legs while she talks a million miles a minute about school and her pet duck—aptly named Chicken—who has like, five duck girlfriends.

Huck and Matty are discussing NFL stats, and Xed is telling me about the online social work courses he’s been taking, just like Carlos. I try to comment where I can, but my attention keeps drifting over to Dev.

He’s seated across from me, shoulders hunched and head down, poking at his food silently. Hannah says something ridiculous, and he laughs, but it’s softer than usual, like he’s not sure if he’s allowed to smile. Every so often, his eyes flick up to mine, then dart away quickly.

“So,” Matty says, leaning over to glance between Salem and me, “when did you two become a thing?”

Taylor chokes on his sip of cider as I rub my fists into my eyes. “We aren’t. It was just a joke.”

Matty doesn’t seem convinced. “Uh-huh. Funny joke.”

“It was,” I repeat firmly.

Dev’s knee starts to bounce under the table, his gaze flying to the doorway like he’s ready to run. I kick his shin hard, startling him enough that he frowns at me.

Holding his gaze, I raise my voice enough so that everyone can hear. “I’m actually kind of dating Devon.”

The entire table goes silent immediately. Even Hannah.

When I glance around, I’m met with expressions of varying emotions—shock from Matty and Tay, happiness from Xed and Huck. Salem just looks… constipated for some reason, and Devon’s face is blank.