Page 81 of Exposing Colorado
“I’m glad you’re doing okay,” I murmur, yearning for those times when all of us were in one place. “You deserve that kind of peace.”
“So do you,” Xed says simply.
A bitter laugh bubbles out of my mouth. “Maybe someday.”
In all honesty, I wouldn't even know what that kind of peace would look like for me.
What Xed and Matty have is something I can’t give. Marriage, babies, swim lessons. Beautiful, and perfect, and unequivocally boring… but safe.
Maybe that’s the part that scares me the most, though.
Not that I don’t have it.
But that I might never be able to want it.
Bass thrums through the floor like a second heartbeat, rattling up my legs and through my ribcage. My ears are still ringing from the last song, sweat clinging to the back of my neck as I headbang to the music.
“You're seriously my new BFF,” Arya squeals, clutching Cedar’s arm while we watch As Above from backstage. “I can't believe we get to be VIP!”
Neither can I. Who knew the tattoo artist we'd chosen at random would end up being the girlfriend of my favorite band’s guitarist?
Cedar laughs and sips water from a paper cup. “It’s just a band, girls.”
“Uh, no,” I disagree. “It’s As Above. They’re like therapy in musical form.”
The drummer, Mac, drops a beat that has the crowd going feral. I shake out my hair, heart pounding from the adrenaline and maybe just the rare joy of not being in charge for once.
Cedar glances at me sideways. “You look like you needed this.”
“Desperately.” I watch the lead singer, Rex, lean into the mic with a growl that raises goosebumps on my arms. “I forgot what it felt like to… not have to think.”
“Well,” she says, tugging Arya toward the VIP bar, “don’t think. Just vibe.”
I let them drift off while I linger near the shadows, half-hiding behind a stack of amps as Fin's guitar solo washes over me.
Raising my camera, I snap a photo of the crowd from this angle, along with a few of the band members themselves. It's much calmer than capturing dirt bike shenanigans but still just as satisfying. I zoom in close enough to frame the bassist, Toby, throwing the crowd a sinful smirk.
Obviously, with the boys wearing helmets, I don't get many chances to photograph their faces, so I take advantage of this opportunity. Every scream, every emotionally charged lyric that I feel deep in my bones, I spend song after song dancing around backstage to capture it for my personal collection of memories.
Eventually, my throat starts to beg for water, and I flip through my camera roll as I join the girls at the bar.
“Can I see?” Cedar gestures toward the camera. I slide it over, and her blue eyes widen with each passing shot. “Jesus, these are insane.”
“Insane bad or insane good?”
She looks through a few more, stopping on one where Rex is mid-scream, sweat flinging from his long hair. “You ever think about shooting professionally? Like, other than your dirt bike gang?”
Shrugging, I try to play it cool even though the compliment hits somewhere deep in my chest. “I mean, I mostly shoot for the promo side of the stunt show. It pays okay.” Now, anyway. “Gives me a reason to keep a camera in my hand.”
Arya leans over Cedar’s shoulder. “Okay, but this one is amazing. Look at the way the light catches his irises. This is, like, album cover material.”
“It's the lighting crew doing their job,” I deflect, fiddling with a napkin to distract myself.
But Cedar shakes her head and sets the camera down before pinning me with a serious look. “You’ve got an eye for emotion. I can feel it in these photos, and it's not just fancy lighting. This is art. As Above already has someone, but if you're interested, I know a band searching for a new tour photographer.”
My first instinct is to turn her down, tell her I'm happy where I'm at, but curiosity gets the better of me. “Who?”
“Symbiotic,” she smiles, pulling her phone from the pocket of her ripped jeans. “I had a few drinks with their drummer the other day, she's cool. Apparently, they're going on tour soon but can't seem to find anyone because their manager keeps scaring people away.”
