Page 72 of Crossing Arizona

Suddenly, I can’t breathe, my chest aching so bad that I clutch it as I sag against the wall. Aunt Pearl’s voice rips through my mind, the first time in so long, hateful and cutting.

Walang kwenta. Useless.

Motherless. Yawa.

He told me she was wrong. He told me he’d always want me.

Liar, liar, liar.

It wasn’t enough. I’ll never be enough.

“Xed, please,” he touches my hand, causing me to jolt and yank my arm away as if he’d burnt me.

“Don’t touch me.”

Matty releases another choked sob, his fingers clutching at nothing when I back away from him. “I’m sorry.”

With stinging eyes, I stare at the man I thought I’d known for fourteen years, the man I thought was my best friend. The only person I’ve ever loved.

And all I see is a stranger.

Chapter thirty-one

“You fuckers have exactly ten minutes to piss and grab your shit, then we’re back on the road!”

Ignoring Taylor, I scoff as I follow Arya and Christian into the head shop attached to the gas station we just stopped at to fuel up. We’re four hours away from our camping spot in Colorado, some plot of land that Christian’s uncle owns. Apparently, he takes this trip every year with Salem and Tay, but it’s the first time they’ve invited anyone else.

And by anyone else, I mean me, Matty, Huckslee, Logan, and Arya—just one big, happy family trip.

I’ve been drunk since I woke up this morning.

Weeks. That’s all I have left with Hannah until Matty takes her from me for good.

Today’s the first time I’ve seen him since he moved in with his sister a month ago. I would have left, but the asshole had to go all noble and let me stay in the townhome since he’s leaving for Arizona soon, anyway.

I cannot fucking handle this shit.

We’ve barely spoken. When everyone asked him how he was doing this morning, he said he was fine.

When Christian announced he’d have to ride in Taylor’s truck with him and Arya, he said he was fine with it.

When asked if he’d help pay for snacks at the gas station next door, he shrugged and mumbled, “That’s fine.”

Fine is the last thing I am, but I’m so glad he seems to be.

“You and Salem are fucking mopey,” Christian mutters, eyeing a glass case full of flower. “We took this trip to celebrate Matty and Huck getting drafted. Cheer up, fool.”

Yeah, that’s because her ex was invited, too—against her will. Huck and Tay keep trying to parent-trap them, but it’s not working out so well.

Arya giggles, the sound like nails on a chalkboard as she tugs up her mini dress. “Maybe some weed will make him happy. Can’t have our Xeddy Bear grumpy.”

Her and those fucking nicknames.

Scowling, I grab the water bottle of vodka out of my jacket pocket and take a swig, already feeling like my lips are going numb. Now, it just needs to spread to the rest of my body, and we’ll be good.

After helping Christian pick out some herb and a new pipe, we exit the shop, where he runs back to Salem’s jeep at the gas pump like an excited puppy.

“SALEM, CHECK THIS SHIT OUT!”