Page 5 of Crossing Arizona

“Alexander, slow down.”

“Ugly boy, ina mo.”

“Walang kuwenta.”

Same old fucking song and dance every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I keep my mouth shut. Bite my tongue at her words, even as I’m itching to pull the steering wheel, a pressure slowly rising inside me.

My lungs can’t seem to draw breath.

On and on it goes until we finally make it to our destination, where she leaves me in the car while she spends the next five hours getting her blood cleaned.

Reaching into the center console, I pull out a lighter and a pack of cigarettes before lighting one up, dreading the minutes ticking down until she’s finished.

I don’t even smoke. But I watch the ash fall onto my lap until that pressure inside me reaches its boiling point.

She always makes me like this. She always makes me do this.

Rolling up my sleeve, I take the end of the cigarette and press it into my wrist, only able to breathe when the skin begins to sizzle.

Just like that, the pressure dissipates, a headrush making me dizzy as I burn Aunt Pearl’s voice and Matty’s naked ass out of my head. Slumping against the seat, I close my eyes, euphoria sending me off into sleep.

For a blissful moment, my mind is empty. I can think clearly. All the bullshit fades away.

At least until she gets back in the car.

Chapter three

Shit, shit. Xed’s definitely mad at me.

I hadn’t meant to stay out this long—really, I hadn’t. But Valerie gets pissed if I try to leave before she tells me I can, and an angry Val gets violent. So, I stayed. Watched some god-awful chick flick about notebooks or something. Couldn’t even tell you what the plot was about because the whole time, all I could think about was getting home to Xed.

Hopefully, what’s in my backpack will make up for it.

Adjusting the strap higher on my shoulder, I creep up the sidewalk to his aunt’s house, trying—and failing—to be stealthy. My feet feel too big and clunky against the pavement, each step louder than the last.

When I got home earlier and saw the bed empty, it hit me harder than I’d expected. I wanted to crawl in next to Xed, bury my face in his hair, and just be. It’s all I’ve thought about today. Hell, I almost did it after his track meet earlier, but Taylor and Christian were right there, and I didn’t want them to see.

No one’s business what Xed and I do in the dark.

Which is only cuddling, I tell my dick. The bastard’s been waking me up recently, hard as hell and pressed into Xed’s back. Luckily, he sleeps like the dead, or things would be fucking awkward. I blame it on needing to get lucky, which is why I went to Val tonight, despite how much she makes me feel like shit.

Swear I nearly threw my back out trying to make us both come, and she just...laid there. With her arms crossed. Even yawned at one point and said I was queer for losing my boner. And then when I got emotional after I came—which happens every damn time—she called me a pussy.

Cringing at the memory, I sneak around to the back of the cottage-style house, where a lattice fence covered in vines climbs up the siding. Xed’s window is on the second floor, but so is his aunt’s. Waking her up is the last thing I want. She’s elderly and ailing, sure, but she’s also downright vile.

If Xed weren’t stuck in her custody, I’d have moved him into my place ages ago. My parents wouldn’t mind. They love him like one of their own. Plus, they’re barely home anyway. As travel nurses, they’re always off somewhere, leaving Jenna and me with the house to ourselves.

Testing the fence, I place my weight on it cautiously. It’s been years since I’ve done this—probably not since I was twelve—but it seems to hold. Encouraged, I climb up, step by step until I reach a shutter near the kitchen window.

Then it happens.

A loud crack splits the night as the shutter drifts beneath my foot. My balance vanishes, and I slip, slamming into the side of the house.

“Shitfuck! Goddamn!”

Scrambling for purchase, I cling to the lattice like my life depends on it. Above me, a hinge groans, and I lift my head to see Xed leaning out of his window. His wide brown eyes are blazing with equal parts fury and disbelief.

“What the fuck are you doing?”