Page 16 of Crossing Arizona

His fingers weave into my hair, caressing my scalp before he roughly yanks my head back, and I blink up at him with watery eyes.

Leaning forward, our breaths mingle when he bumps my nose with his own. “You know the price. Are you willing to pay it?”

God fucking dammit.

Dropping to my knees, I yank at his belt buckle with a growl, punching my knuckles into the wall next to his thigh.

A smirk tugs at his lips, something dark flickering on his face as he trails a hand down his chest, slowly pulling down his zipper. His other hand cups my jaw.

“You want this? You sure?”

No. I don’t fucking want this. I hate this.

“Yeah.” Licking my lips, I smack his hand away before pulling out his cock despite the bile rising in my throat. “Now shut up and choke me. Keep your fucking hands to yourself.”

“You say such sweet things.”

Ignoring him, I open my mouth, hating myself for every second of this, but I can’t fucking stop.

And why should I? What’s the point?

Who the fuck am I living for?

As Devon takes his payment, I let my tears flow freely, the punishing force of his thrusts against my tonsils making me gag. The only person I’ve ever done this with is getting married in a week, and I want to erase the memory from my brain. Burn it out, rip out my tongue to forget the way he tastes, melt my fingertips to the bone for touching anyone else other than him.

Hate simmers in my veins, making me grit my teeth, causing Dev to hiss and pick up his pace.

I wish Matty could see this. I wish he’d walk in here and see what I’ve become, what he’s reduced me to.

I wish he’d fucking save me.

But nobody cares. Nobody notices my downward spiral, my fall from grace.

My leap off the ledge.

And when I eventually hit rock bottom, nobody will be around to witness my soul splatter across the ground.

College Freshman Year

Chapter seven

“Mm, yeah. Fuck, that feels good.”

My hand strokes my cock as I sit back against the headboard, watching the porn play out on my phone. God, it’s been so long since I’ve gotten off. Between classes and football, plus moving into the townhome that we started renting from my parents in the city, I swear my balls are starting to turn blue. Not to mention, by the time I get home every night, Xed’s already in bed waiting for me, so a quick jerk in the shower is all I’ve been able to get.

The morning wood situation is getting out of hand—I woke up this morning practically humping my best friend. He was still asleep, thank God, but the mortification was real. Luckily, he took an extra shift at the clothing shop he works for inside the mall, so I get some time to myself.

The girls moaning in the video spur me on, and I jerk myself lazily from base to tip, spreading my legs on the bed to get more comfortable. As I let my head fall back and close my eyes, though, I can only picture a small body lying next to me with a blue mohawk and doe eyes. Long lashes fluttering in his sleep, lips parted. The way he pushed back against me this morning nearly made me spill my load.

Fuck, I shouldn’t be thinking this. Not about Xed. This is wrong. Clearly, I need to get laid...maybe I should hit up Valerie. She got accepted to the University of Utah just like we did, and it’s been a minute since we’ve fucked.

Even though Xed will flip if he finds out.

Licking my lips, I stroke myself faster, eyes still closed, while I try to focus on the sounds coming from my phone. And yet, the more I imagine Xed in bed with me, the harder I get. Picture holding his body to me while I rut against him, sliding my cock up and down his ass. Waking him up that way, the intake of breath he’d take when he felt me brushing over his tight little hole.

My balls draw up at the fantasy, orgasm imminent, and I open my eyes because I should not be coming to the thought of my best friend.

And the first thing I see is Xed, standing in our bedroom doorway, eyes as wide as saucers.