Page 104 of Crossing Arizona

“I can’t sit.” Tossing the phone onto the table, I grip the back of a chair, glaring at the screen. “You said he saw the interview, right?”

“Yes,” Dad replies, avoiding my gaze. “He saw it.”

“But then he left?”

Why would he leave after I admitted on live television that I love him?

I pace harder, my mind racing back to what my therapist suggested—choosing something for myself for once.

I did it. I chose Xed. So why isn’t he answering me?

The vibration of a text snaps me out of my thoughts, and I snatch up my phone, ignoring Dad’s watchful eyes.

Ducky:

Yeah. I saw.

My pulse races as my thumbs fly across the screen.

Me:

And?

Dots appear. Then disappear. He’s taking way too long to reply.

Ducky:

And what, Matthew? What do you want me to say?

I collapse into a chair, staring at the message.

What do I want him to say? That he loves me back, obviously. That he’ll move in with Hannah and me. That we can be a family again.

That I didn’t ruin us for good.

After five agonizing minutes, I finally respond.

Me:

I thought this was what you wanted.

His response is instant.

Ducky:

And what do I want?

Me:

Me. Hannah. Us together… Right?

Or am I getting this all wrong?

Dad sets a cup of coffee in front of me, resigning himself to the long night ahead. My lungs start to spasm with anxiety as I wait for Xed to text back. When the message finally comes, it feels like the ground drops out from under me.

Ducky:

All these years, I thought you were the only one who knew me, but it turns out you don’t know me at all.