Page 56 of Double or Nothing

She doesn’t answer me. I feel a stab of sympathy when her eyes pool up again.

“That’s a no, then,” I say. “Boom, shake the room. You turned him down.”

“I didn’t mean it.” Her voice is shaky. “I just thought it would be for the best. I just thought it would be…”

“Too dangerous. I get it.”

Her watery eyes are so solid on mine.

“That’s the thing, Jack. You don’t get it. You could never get it. I bet you’ve never been in love with anyone in your life.”

“Ouch,” I put my hand on my heart. “That’s a stab.”

“I’m right, aren’t I? You’re the player of players.”

“That’s a whole other game of Cluedo. Let’s finish up yours first.”

It’s hard to keep my own defensiveness at bay, which is weird. I crack my usual jester grin, but there’s a burn underneath it. She’s right. I’ve never been in love in my life, and I haven’t wanted to be.

I still don’t want to be. It’s a fucking disaster zone, with high stakes and poor returns.

“So, Bryce confessed his undying love and you turned him down, that’s the crux of it?”

“It came out of the blue…”

“Bullshit, it did.”

“No, I mean it was obvious we were both feeling it, but for him to say it. I just…”

She puts her mug on the table, and wipes fresh tears away. This time I don’t intervene or reassure her, I just let it roll.

“I fucked up, ok?” she says. “I freaked out, and didn’t know what to do.”

“And you said no.”

She nods, tears falling down her cheeks.

“I was only young. We were only young. He was doing well at work, with Dad, and I didn’t want to mess things up.”

“You don’t need to justify anything, Alice. It’s a game of Cluedo, not a trial.”

I get another urge to pull her in and hold her tight. I hold my coffee mug tight instead.

“I didn’t get the chance to justify anything, or change my mind.” The snot bubbles arrive, and I bear no grudge when she smears them on my designer dressing gown. “I said no, he got upset, and then he ran. To France. To clear his head and get a break, and I was going to tell him I was sorry when he was back, I swear. I was going to tell him I didn’t mean it.”

Her eyes are open doorways to the pain. The nickname Soul Girl takes on a whole new meaning, and I’m in there with her. I see straight into the depths.

“You didn’t get chance, did you?” I go out on a limb, trusting my instincts.

Divorce papers.

Magnets on the fridge.

Irreconcilable differences.

“No, I didn’t,” she says.

“He came back with Sylvia, didn’t he?”