Page 330 of Double or Nothing

I look back up at the ceiling, because be damned if I’m going to cry in front of the poker king.

“Eli, stop, will you? I don’t want to fucking talk about it.”

I dare to meet his eyes, and he raises both hands.

“Fine.”

The lack of pressure unsettles me.

I expected a round of questions until one of us lost our patience and told the other one to fuck off. A lecture about distraction. Some sharp assessment of my personal failures.

Yet Eli studies me for several seconds.

“What are you actually asking for?” he says at last.

“Another chance… to step up to my responsibility.”

The word sounds strange in my mouth.

“What specific responsibility? A return to work program? A few nights at the bar every weekend?”

“No. Everything.” I pause. “Everything I abandoned.”

“Jesus, Jack. That’s a long list.”

“My schedule is totally clear.”

“For how long?”

I keep my eyes on his.

“As long as it takes.”

“As long as what takes?”

I don’t answer.

All I can think about is back home.

Alice’s empty place in the kitchen cupboard.

Bryce leaving the auction alone.

My mother crying in her bedroom when I was too young to do anything about it.

My father waving goodbye from a sports car because he had somewhere more exciting to be.

“I’ll be here,” I say. “Just give me a chance, ok?”

Eli’s gaze holds mine. Yet again.

“You don’t get to arrive for a week, prove something to yourself and disappear again. The casino needs consistency.”

“I know.”

“I need consistency, Jack.”

The admission costs him something.