Page 14 of Jade

“I think you are a wonderful, sweet, amazing Little girl. And I think that anyone would be lucky to be your Daddy. I even hope that it’s me. But today? I can honestly say I’m not ready to go from zero to one hundred on a whim and I’d be doing you a disservice if I did. Today, I got a crash course, and I think I did okay, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to be a full-time Daddy, or that I should. Do you understand, little one? It’s nothing to do with you. I just… if I’m lucky enough that a time comes where I get to be your Daddy, I want to be sure that we are both ready. Okay?”

A glance over her head at Baze showed him that the other man was nodding in agreement. Jade’s expression was a mix between resigned and crestfallen. He felt horrible but knew he had to be honest with himself.

He wasn’t ready. Not full time. “Is there… is there some sort of compromise we can work out while we test the waters?” he asked, speaking more to Baze than her.

She seemed to sense that and jerked her head to look at her House Daddy before he answered.

“I think there probably is,” Baze said with a slow nod. “And I think the three of us can work that out soon, sit down and figure out what that might look like, but for now, I think Jade needs a hug and a nap and Ryan and I both need to get back to work. It will do us all good to have some time to sort out our thoughts and feelings by ourselves before we try to share them with others or come up with a plan.”

He felt terrible at the idea of leaving like this, but he knew Baze was right. Sometimes talking was counterproductive and did more harm than good.

Still, he wasn’t about to leave without making sure she knew the conversation would continue.

“Could the three of us meet in the chapel after breakfast tomorrow?” he asked, wanting a firm plan in place.

“I can make that work,” Baze agreed.

“Jade?” Ryan checked in with her, squeezing her hand. “Will that work, or do you think it should be sooner?”

Tugging one hand from his grasp, she exhaled and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “I don’t want to wait that long,” she admitted tearfully, “but I know I should.”

He knew exactly what she meant. “It will be hard, but it gives us lots of time to think and sort out our feelings.” Squeezing her hand again, he offered an encouraging smile. “Mister Daddy says you need a nap. Would it be okay if I gave you a hug and tucked you into bed?”

“Eleven-year-olds don’t need naps,” Jade argued with a pout.

“Everyone needs a nap sometimes and you used up a lot of energy. How about you rest your eyes for a while and see what happens?”

“I guess.” She shrugged, still pouting and he hid a smile. She really was adorable, all tear-streaked and puffy-faced and petulant, but he’d never tell her that.

Opening his arms for a hug, he let her set the tone, and she fell into his embrace, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her face into his neck. He followed suit, squeezing her tightly and held on until she pulled away.

When she did, he helped her stand, pulled back the covers, and tucked her into bed, handing her the stuffed dragon that had been propped against her pillow. “Here you go. This must be Leon. He does seem like a very safe dragon.”

She giggled and rolled her eyes but lay back against her pillows and squeezed Leon tight.

Her eyes closed almost immediately. “Good night, Mister Daddy. Good night, Pastor Ryan.”

“Good night, Jade. I’ll see you tomorrow after breakfast.” Acting on pure instinct, he leaned over and pressed a soft kiss against her cheek. He couldn’t have stopped himself if he wanted to, and since he didn’t want to, he didn’t even bother to try.

Chapter Six

Ryan

He’d tossed and turned all night, spent time in prayer and made pro and con lists, and the conclusion hadn’t changed. He just wasn’t ready to be a Daddy. Not full time. Not from the frying pan into the fire. Not like this.

As they sat in the chapel after breakfast, he clasped his hands together and reported his feelings to Baze and Jade.

Ryan could see that she was hurt. He’d known she would be, but he also knew she’d be even more hurt if he committed before he was ready and mucked things up.

“It’s not that I don’t want to do it, Jade, I want very much to be your Daddy, I think. But I want to do it right when we are both ready.”

“Okay.” She nodded and pressed her lips tightly together. It was clear that she was fighting tears. She suddenly scowled, taking him by surprise. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m getting emotional. I knew what you were going to say. It’s the same thing you said yesterday.”

“It is. But it’s okay to be upset. It’s okay to feel your feelings.” Ryan smiled at her. “But, as you said, that is what I said yesterday. So what I want to know is if you and Baze have figured out a way we can keep experimenting with this before we make it official.”

Baze nodded. “I’ve thought about that, and it’s hard. There are a lot of exceptions I’m hesitant to make because it’s a safety issue and a heart issue. Until she has a full-time Daddy of her own, Jade is in my care. It’s my job to protect her, and that includes her heart. So I can’t just give you Daddy privileges without the responsibility, but I do believe I’ve come up with a compromise.”

“I’m listening.” Ryan grabbed Jade’s hand and squeezed. “We both are.”