Page 89 of His to Own

I focus on inhaling and exhaling and slowly, the darkness fades away. I can see clearly again. My chest doesn’t hurt as much as it once did.

“What happened?” Maxim asks.

“I think she was having a panic attack,” Lana says.

Shame fills me. Embarrassment. I can’t do anything right.

But then I feel Maxim’s arms around me. Fully around me. And I find myself sinking into him. He doesn’t let me go.

Chapter Twelve

Elena

“We need to talk,” Maxim says over the breakfast table. “About what happened yesterday. You panicked, Elena. What was going on?”

I haven’t told him about Alisa. That I know they had an affair. I just can’t get the words out. To say it is to make it more real. I would have to face the fact that Maxim purposefully didn’t tell me when he had the chance.

“My father upset me. That’s all.” I take a quick sip of my coffee.

“I know your father is an asshole and that he’s treated you badly. But you were full on panicking. That’s not normal. Talk to me, Elena. Don’t push me out.”

“You don’t talk to me either,” I snap.

He goes very still. It’s the intimidating mafia part of him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” I grumble, staring down at my plate. I know I need to tell him about Alisa. I just… can’t.

“It was obviously not nothing. Tell me.”

“Are you going to spank me again if I don’t?”

He quirks an eyebrow. “Do you need another spanking? I can take a firm hand with you, Elena. If that’s what you need.”

The problem is: I have no idea what I need. What will make me happy? My writing? Being a wife? Becoming a mother one day? I haven’t told Maxim that I always dreamed of being a mom when I was younger. There’s still so much I’ve kept from him.

“It was just my father. He upsets me. That’s all. It hurts that he doesn’t love me. That he’s never loved me. What more is there for me to say?”

Maxim looks at me steadily. “I think there’s a lot more to say.”

I take a large bite of my eggs. Now that I’ve been married to Maxim, I’ve been eating more. It’s nice to not have my mother looking over my shoulder and criticizing everything I’m eating.

He waits until I’m done chewing. “Talk to me, Elena. I can tell you’re not happy. Why keep things in if you’re not happy?”

Because that’s how I was taught to be. “I’m fine,” I lie. “I have school to get to.”

He watches me as I put my plate in the sink and grab my books from the counter. “Your father is hosting a party this week. He was reluctant to tell me. I don’t think he wants us to come but he still offered since it’s customary. You know your father. Does his duty even when he’s angry. So we have that going on this week. I was going to tell you yesterday but then you…”

Had a panic attack.

“A party at my father’s house?”

“Yes. We’re going. Even if I hate your father. Even if I hate how he treats you. We’re going.”

“All right,” I whisper, fighting back my tears. “Of course.” I know what’s expected of me.

My Shakespeare class is much easier to handle now that Professor Romanov is no longer teaching it. But it’s still just as hard to focus when I have Maxim on my mind.

Professor Burgov finds me in the hallway of the literature building as I walk to my next class. “Elena, I wanted to know when you’d be submitting a piece of writing for my internship? You have less than a month now. You are going to submit, yes?”