Page 102 of Say Hello, Kiss Goodbye

In more ways than one. Leia popped the scone in her mouth, her eyes trailing a tall server delivering two cake stands stacked with finger sandwiches, pastries, and jams to a group of Italian tourists, their phones aloft amidst joyful cries of “Bellissimo!” Simon has stuck to his word. Ten days into my stay and I’m pretty sure Tarquin has no clue I’m here.

“Shoot!”

Mid-chew, Leia’s stare bounced back to her sister, bent over her armrest. “You okay?”

“Yeah, just making a mess…stupid achy wrists.” Lifting up her tangled phone charger, Sarah let out a frustrated chuckle. “I fished this out of my bag and upended yours.” She left the portable device beside their bottle of sparkling water and dipped back toward the floor.

Leia peered under the table. Her unzipped gratitude journal lay open, splayed against Sarah’s left wheel. “Don’t worry, I’ll get it.” Shifting her chair back, a shooting bolt of knee pain curbed her descent. Great. Leia winced as her linen napkin slipped to the floor. Gonna be one of those days, is it?

Sarah scooped up Leia’s journal and pen. “Beat ya, old lady!” She giggled and cradled the book, fanned open to a rippled page marred by ink blotches and blurred handwritten words. “Where’d you write this? Outdoors in a rainstorm?”

Napkin in hand, Leia straightened up. “Uh, no.” Her eyes narrowed as Sarah’s fingers skated across the wavy paper.

“August 23, Leia Scott was grateful for…”

Shit. Leia’s body tensed. Please don’t read that!

Sarah flipped the page, then a few more, a flurry of blank white sheets parading past her nose. “Ley, you haven’t touched this for six weeks. Aren’t you supposed to write in here daily?”

Leia relaxed, resting her napkin on the table. “I’d just lost my job, remember? I didn’t feel very grateful.” With a sharp flick of her hand, she brushed crumbs off her jeans. “My therapist said to start again when I’m ready. I’ve been carrying it with me just in case. Here”—she reached out—“I’ll put it away before we spill tea on it.”

Sarah shifted her plate and filled the vacant space with Leia’s book. “Do you bitch about Violetta in here?”

What? Leia half-chuckled. “It’s not that kind of journal, Saz.” God, enough with the questions. Just give it back! She kept her expression neutral, hiding her displeasure. If I make a fuss, Saz will definitely dive in.

Sarah flicked backward through the sheets until she returned to the crinkly page.

Uh, what’s she doing? Leia’s stomach rolled, her appetite for cake and banter gone. Fuck, she can’t read that! “Saz, c’mon. Give it back,” she pleaded through clenched teeth, but Sarah had already begun reading the blotchy entry.

August 23, I was grateful for:

1. reuniting with Tarquin. It felt like home, just me & him.

2. we talked & flirted, then he said, “I love you, Leia. I’m IN love with you. I have been for months.”

“Oh. My god!” Sarah gasped.

Fighting a lump in her throat, Leia thrust her hand between the two cake stands, snatching the journal. “I can’t believe you!” A burning sensation prickled her nose.

Sarah’s misty gape followed the book’s retreat. “Ley…”

“First you read my texts, now this?” she hissed, her volume discreet. Glaring glassy-eyed at the page, stained and rippled by tears shed six weeks ago, a twinge of déjà vu creased Leia’s brow. I sobbed myself into an anxiety attack writing this. Her chin trembled as the rest of the journal entry blurred beneath her gaze.

3. Tarquin LOVES me! My heart felt like a red balloon, soaring in the cloudless sky, his beautiful words lingering in the August sunshine. A part of me wanted to breathe them in, feel their warmth, their joy—but I couldn’t. My best laid plans pinched & poked, dragging me back down to Earth. Once a skater, always a skater. I stuck the landing & aced my performance.

A sad ache swelled in her chest. This brings it all back, how much it hurt letting him go. She whisked away fresh tears and snapped the journal shut, dragging the zipper around its cover, sealing her secrets behind its metal teeth. “Thanks for making me cry in Fortnum’s, Sarah.” Leia stole a sweeping glance at their neighboring tables, catching the uncomfortable winces and loud whispers from the rapt Italians. Great. A blush darkened her pale cheeks.

“He said he loved you?” Sarah leaned forward. “But he was with Cressida then.”

“No. They broke up before he flew to New York.”

“You never said! My god, Leia?! He was single? And in love with you!”

Leia bowed her head, a forlorn huff escaping. “You’re not helping.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because look at you!” Leia grabbed her bag from the floor and stuffed the journal inside. “You’re swooning. You’ve practically got cartoon hearts dancing in your eyes.”