Page 19 of The Bratva’s Monster

And the subject changes. Back to these clothes and all the bags that Yeva says she needs to travel to Europe. And all I can think about is what I could possibly wear that will make me feel pretty enough to go to this charity ball in the first place.

I can’t believe I paid so much for this dress.

I’m looking at myself in the mirror, checking out the final product of hours of preparation. The dress is made of silk and it’s silver. Really silver. When I stand under the amber light on my nightstand, parts of it pick up the hue and turn it gold.

It clings to my figure well, hanging onto my round hips, small waist, and round bosoms so close that I can make out the outlines of my underwear. The first time I put it on, I realized that I had to wear a thong and no bra. Now that that’s taken care of, I have another problem. I can see my nipples straight through the fabric. And the curve of my ass in the back.

I turn around to survey myself from behind. The back is out and the very bottom hangs just above my ass crack. The hem of this dress flares out a little and goes to the floor, making the whole thing look like it was poured on like liquid metal.

And when I saw it on the mannequin, that’s just how it looked then, too. I must be insane to walk out of the house in this thing.

I turn back around and focus on my makeup. It’s a good makeup job. Not too much blush, just enough eyeshadow and fire engine red lipstick. I’m leaving my hair down and I’ve curled the ends in big, comfortable-looking waves…

I look hot. Really fucking hot. Maybe… maybe a little too hot.

Gedeon would love it if I showed up on his arm wearing this. He always loved how I looked when we went out and wasn’t really insecure about it. I guess because he knew how much I loved him.

I take a deep breath and look at the whole thing all over again. Those bikers are going to fall over themselves when I walk into the room. Probably even half the brotherhood, too. It doesn’t matter if they do, though. I’m sure Alex will sic his watchdog on them should any of them try to make a move on me.

Hmm. I think Nona did mention that Rikki would be there. I smile a little at the thought of seeing his face once he sees me in this dress. I’ve always been kind of attracted to him. Gedeon never knew it, but Rikki is actually exactly my type of man. When I was a teenager, I was always drawn to the linemen in the football team while all the other girls had eyes for the quarterback. He’s big and muscular like he could pick me up and carry me away to a night of unbridled passion.

All that said, I learned a long time ago that it’s never wise to be committed to the big, steroid case. They usually behave like cavemen and throw their women over their shoulders and lock them up in the house where they could pump them full of babies while they steal every piece of life from them that they can until there is nothing left. And despite it all, I have no intention of being left an empty husk by anyone.

When I first met the two of them, I could see that they were both interested. I didn’t give Rikki a second glance at the time. I was fresh off the meathead train and looking for something different. No way I was going to get burned with yet another brainless juicehead asshole.

But now…

I don’t know. There’s something in what Yeva said about finding somebody just to screw and endorphins and all that. Most of me wants to say that it’s bullshit, but… I would like to have an orgasm again. Gedeon could get me there at least sixty percent of the time. It would be nice to find somebody who could hit it out of the park the first time around.

Could Rikki be that guy? My cheeks flush bright red before my eyes.

It’s a nice idea, but… no. Rikki is a whole can of worms that I can’t open. I’m already in enough trouble just existing. I can’t imagine what would happen if people started thinking I was fucking Rikki Molotov.

There is the whole thing with everyone thinking Gedeon is a traitor. Maybe showing up to this thing will put everyone’s minds at ease about me. After all, why would I come to an event like this if I weren’t innocent? This whole night could turn everything around for me, and maybe I can get some damn sleep at night.

Or… or at least enough sleep so that I don’t have to worry about someone coming to kill me in the night.

I give myself another turn and take a deep breath. I look hot. Really fucking hot.

And actually, this is a nice feeling. It’s certainly better than the hurt and pain I’ve been carrying around for so long.

“A few hours,” I say as I take a step back from the mirror. “Show up, dance a little, mingle with the brotherhood and show them I’m not a threat, go home. Simple.”

I look good, and every moment I gaze at my reflection, I feel confident. Tonight is a smart move, and I’ll know it the moment I walk through my door later on.

I step back from the mirror and grab the silver clutch purse sitting on my bed. Time to make my grand appearance and stop the show.

9

RIKKI

Iwas told that this party was formal, which is more than just a little out of the ordinary for the Blue Devils. Most of the time, the parties they have are at their clubhouse, the least dignified place in the world, in my opinion. The little bar sits in the Bronx on a corner where street hustlers hang out night and day. And despite the fact that Deshawn always talks about their ‘old ladies’ cleaning up around there, it’s almost always filthy every time I’ve been there.

I just put on my slacks and dress shirt and I’m buttoning it up as best I can with my hair hanging over my shoulders. It’s mid-chest now and in desperate need of a trim. When the last button is done, I walk back to my bathroom and look at it in the mirror.

Auburn waves hanging over my lapels, framing my bearded face, make me look more lion than man.

I scoff and grab my brush to tame it. It’s still damp from the shower, so the bristles slip through easily and all the wild flyaways slick down. I tie it back into a ponytail, then I take a step back and look myself over one more time.