Page 29 of Teddy Bear

I answer him, even though I know I shouldn't, knowingly accepting the possible punishment that will befall me, fighting the now severe fatigue that is drooping my eyelids - after a trance like this, my mind usually needs hours of sleep to regenerate and return to a state of functionality; for some reason, the hypnosis was abnormally draining my mental and emotional strength.

I watch with slight trepidation the expression on his face that remains calm, and then his hands that pull me closer to him.

I place my fingers on his back and cling to him as tightly as I can - our bodies are now one - a tangle of skin and limbs bound together by an unbreakable need and desire - I need this night to last forever.

-Me too, Lizzie.

He says this in an almost hoarse voice that carries an invisible burden of tears and heaviness within him as he pushes his nose into my brown curls and holds me tighter, so tight that he almost succeeds in putting all the pieces of me together with his grip.

-Me too, Lizzie.

He whispers again, his head completely immersed in the smell and softness of my tousled hair, and his helpless hands clasped tightly against my body.

I return this sad, yearning, convulsive hug, pressing harder against him and allowing him to press all of him into me—into all those parts of me that yearn to be filled and owned, guarded and composed.

It's the first time I see Danny like this, and the first time I think that he too might be just as broken, sad, and as lost as I am.

For the first time I see him for what he is, and maybe it's dangerous—because I shouldn't see it, but now I know that though he may have tried, he can't put an end to our twisted, dark passion that feeds our hearts in a way that nothing else in the real world can.

Danny and I need each other;, I am his food as much as he is mine, he is my poison as much as I am his medicine, I am both patient and disease, he is both doctor and lover, we are sky and earth, waves and shore, eternally separated and inextricably joined; we are two butterflies with joined wings, and we are alive only as long as we fly together.

I pull my head away from his, after this unexpected outpouring of tenderness.

The desire and obsession with control that shines from the paleness of his pupils is foreign and completely new to me, and even though I am overwhelmed with the pink love of his desperate lover's embrace from a while ago, this look of his, new, shining in the moon, makes a slight chill run through my body.

I stand up and cover my bare thighs with a white sheet, wrapping my arms around my knees and resting my head on them.

I'm still watching Danny out of the corner of my eye, but I also need to detach myself - I'm looking at the peace of the lake and the distant woods in front of me.

All this is too much for my brain, which is only eager for a deep, restorative sleep.

His gaze is too strong, too electric, too possessive - and I fear it will burn and suffocate me if I lose myself in it.

When he announced his engagement to Olivia, I realized that what he was doing with me was just a game, a dead dance, just a show of debauched theater where everything is allowed, and boundaries are erased. But I couldn’t ever know that the roots of his game were this dark, sharp, and blindingly dangerous.

This is not just a game; this is our lives, seriously drawn into darkness that should not exist on earth.

Danny doesn't want to have an affair with me; his glare wants to own me, to make me his, in any way possible.

Like a broken doll in his precious collection, whose life and world he can control, play with, but also break.

And worst of all, I want to be a part of his twisted collection - and I want so desperately to stand as a broken trophy on the shelf of his mind - I want his hands to guide my every move.

I want his white fingers to take my breath; I want to be surrendered, completely and entirely to his dark control, because only then do I feel alive.

Only then do I feel worthy.

Or I'm just too tired, and I see things through a twisted, upside-down way, through the prism of my own darkness and pinkness, - all alone, all broken, and all lost, wanting only one thing from the beginning:

to be his.

I guess I'm imagining all this; who knows, maybe I'm still in a trance, and Danny is just a good doc who guides me through the dark labyrinths of my twisted mind.

No, he doesn't crave and moan on my naked body, and he doesn't penetrate deep into the wet crack of my ready pussy.

I must have imagined it all.

6.