Page 26 of Titan’s Mate

She gazed into his eyes, hers dark and serious. He felt like she could read his mind, that she knew everything he was thinking. He waited for her to say something, not knowing if he should hope she did need him, or that she didn’t.

She didn’t say either one. She just said, “Thank you for today. For the food, and the Spurkeys, and the parade, and everything. It really meant a lot.”

Before he could stop her, she leaned in and kissed his cheek, then slid an arm around the back of his neck and pressed her face to his.

He could have sworn he didn’t move, but suddenly one hand was somehow splayed across her back, and the other one cupped her cheek. She turned her head and their lips met in a soft, slow-motion kiss.

Heat and light and a delicate warmth, and a feeling like coming home. She gave a tiny sigh, and he felt himself do the same, like some tension that had been coiled inside him forever finally let go.

For one blissful, timeless moment he let himself get lost in it. Then, using every ounce of his willpower, he pulled away. “I can’t,” he said.

He already felt bereft.

She gazed into his eyes again, with that same penetrating gaze, and then nodded. Slowly she turned and walked up the steps.

At the top she paused. “Will you come up and read to me again? So I can sleep?”

He shouldn’t. He knew he shouldn’t. But he couldn’t leave her alone with her dark fears, her bad dreams. Not if there was something he could do.

He gave a jerky nod. “Call me when you’re ready.”

He went up at her call to find her already in bed, all the lights out except for the one next to the chair. After finding out the last part of the story she remembered from the night before, he picked up reading at that point.

The words of the story were soothing, and he could hear her breathing growing slower and more rhythmic. When he reached the end of the chapter he looked over and saw her lying on her side, eyes closed, Sebastian peeking out from the crook of her arm.

He closed the book and set it quietly on the night table. But before he could get up, she asked quietly, “Do you ever think about dying?”

The words dropped into the quiet, cozy room, making him feel cold and sad. She dove into everything with so much enthusiasm, it always seemed like she forgot she was dying.

But he didn’t think she ever did.

He let the silence grow while he thought, and so did she. Finally he said, “Sometimes I do.” She seemed to know he wasn’t quite done, because she waited until he amended, “A lot, I guess.”

She asked softly, “Because of what happened to your people?”

He nodded, swallowing hard. He had to wait a bit before he could go on. “It’s hard to be the only one left. I keep feeling like… the gods made a mistake to leave me behind, and soon they’ll realize that and take me too.”

He let the quiet build again. “I keep thinking maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.”

Except now it would. He had the crew—his friends who cared about him, and who he cared about even though he tried not to.

And he had Mari—at least for a little while. He didn’t want to go yet.

“What about you?” he said, when she didn’t answer. “You said you had a family. Do they—do you—belong to a clan?”

“Yes.” She was silent for a minute. Titan knew what that was like. So often, it was hard to come up with words. He waited.

“But I can’t be with them,” she said finally. “Because of what I told you. Even if I didn’t hurt them, xióngmāo are vulnerable to demonic energies. All my visions and nightmares—it could be disastrous for them. And if I was there when the demons took me…”

She trailed off, shaking her head. “The demonic energy might even affect humans. So I never spend much time in one place. I keep moving.”

He knew what that was like. “It must be lonely.”

She smiled a little and held up her duckie. “I have Sebastian.”

He hesitated. She didn’t really think the duck talked to her, did she? “You, um… you know he’s plastic, right?”

The smile deepened, showing her dimples. “Did you ever see that movie, with Tom Hanks?”