Page 176 of Marcello

My father was like Al Capone in The Untouchables. I just prayed there was a Kevin Costner out there trying to put him behind bars.

For a year or so, I was pretty much insufferable. During that period, I hated my father – and my mother, for bringing me into a world where our family profited off the misery of others. I let them know it every opportunity I got.

But eventually, my teenage rebellion softened into learned helplessness.

There was nothing I could do about what my family did. They weren’t about to stop just because I didn’t like it.

And I wasn’t about to turn them in. That was unfathomable…

Which meant I was complicit.

Gradually, instead of hating them…

I just came to hate my life.

What little I had of one, anyway.

And then I saw Papillon.

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Iwas already deep into my ‘watching great movies’ phase.

I read online that Martin Scorsese had been really sickly as a kid, and spent a lot of his childhood in bed watching old movies on TV. It eventually led to him becoming one of the greatest film directors of all time.

I figured I was trapped inside my house, just like Scorsese –

But I had a hell of a lot more choice than he did back in 1955.

He’d been stuck with whatever was showing on his black and white TV.

I had Netflix, HBO Max, Amazon Prime, Paramount Plus, Peacock, Disney Plus, Hulu, and any other streaming platform I wanted.

If I couldn’t go to university, I resolved to get the equivalent of a film studies degree on my own –

And I figured the best way to do that was to watch the best movies of all time.

I looked all over the internet and settled on the Critics’ Top 100 List from Sight and Sound Magazine.

First I saw Citizen Kane.

Liked it, didn’t love it.

The Rules of the Game.

Meh.

Persona.

Interesting, but weird.

Seven Samurai.

Liked it, but slow.

Jeanne Dielman, 23, quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles.

Jesus, kill me now.