Page 42 of Solitary Man

Riley was taking a bath and I was in her new office, snooping through her things. It felt wrong. It was wrong, but I wanted to see those emails. I opened her laptop and had to stop myself from throwing it across the room. I had no idea what I was doing. It was asking for a password. I rubbed my hands over my head in frustration.

Maybe she had it written somewhere. I yanked a drawer open, then another.

Several notebooks filled the drawer. I lifted them, and underneath was a stack of paper. I flicked through it.

Our emails. For some reason, she’d printed them.

I read through the first one and frowned.

Then the next, breathing harder, faster.

I scanned the rest, feeling sick.

He hadn’t just added to them. He’d made me a completely different person. A man who had a lot to say. In these emails, he hadn’t just said I liked to read. He’d given her book titles, favorite authors, my feelings about them.

There were drawn-out conversations on food, hobbies, politics, and the list went on. Landon had made me…interesting, cracking jokes, teasing her, sharing stories.

And then there was the stuff about my parents. It was all there.

When I’d called him and he’d read me her emails, he’d purposely left so much out, only giving me the parts that I’d expect.

This wasn’t me. So much of this wasn’t me.

Riley had come here expecting a completely different person.

A different man.

I stuffed the printouts back where I found them and strode through the door, right out of the house, rage pumping through me. I wasn’t ready to talk to Landon, not yet. I needed to think, get my head around this. Why would he do this to me? He was one of my oldest friends. Had been friends with my parents.

You know exactly why he did it.

Because without his help, Riley would never have chosen me. She would never have wanted me.

She would never have come here.

What must she think? God, she must be so confused. Wondering what the hell was wrong with me. Why I was so different. I swallowed, my mouth dry, heart racing, palms sweaty. Was she disappointed I wasn’t the man she thought, I was?

Of course, she is.

She thought she was marrying a man who had a lot to say. Who knew how to joke and tease. Who knew how to talk about his feelings.

She came expecting the opposite of me. Yes, I liked to read, but I didn’t know how to have big philosophical conversations like Landon had with her about the books I’d read. I wasn’t the deep-thinking man he’d made me out to be.

I hadn’t even thought to ask any of the questions he had, not even when I got her here.

Because you were just happy she came. That she wanted you.

“Cash.”

I turned. Riley stood at the door, a damp towel wrapped around her ample curves, skin pale and smooth. Her hair was wet and hanging around her narrow shoulders. I wanted to walk over to her, wrap her in my arms, and never let her go. Carry her to our bedroom and spend the rest of the day and night buried inside her.

Yesterday, I would have.

Yesterday, I didn’t know the truth.

The man she thought she married was a lie. I was a lie. A fictional character, like in one of her books. Now what we had felt…dishonest. Even though I hadn’t known what Landon had done, I did now. Tell her. She deserves to know.

I couldn’t do it. I’d lose her, and I could not lose her.