Page 5 of Bad for You

“Are you serious?” she whispered.

I clenched my teeth and dipped my chin, dread twisting in my gut and stabbing me in the chest.

“Tell me,” I demanded, freaking the hell out.

She bit her lip, her gaze everywhere but on me.

“Tell me before I lose my damn mind.” Had I hurt her? Was I so wasted that I’d pushed her too far. “Lila.”

She gripped the fabric of her sweater at her sides, still not looking at me. “I came here to talk to you, and I…I followed you in here. You seemed happy to see me, but you…you…”

“I what?” I yelled. She jumped, and I wanted to roar in frustration. “Sorry, I’m just… I’m freaking the fuck out here, Bambi.”

Her throat worked. “You pulled me onto the bed with you, and we were kissing and I thought, I thought we were going to…that we would finally…” Her face got even darker. “You know,” she whispered. “But you…um, you couldn’t…” She motioned to the front of my jeans. “So you told me to…” She swallowed audibly. “With my mouth…”

I froze as a hazy memory worked its way forward.

“You didn’t, ah…want me…um, so you pushed me off and passed out,” she finished.

I shoved my fingers through my hair again and fisted, taking in a visibly upset Lila, and barely resisted punching myself in the head. “I drank a whole lot last night, smoked some weed, did some other shit. I didn’t know what I was doing… I didn’t know it was—”

Her gaze snapped to mine. “You didn’t know it was me?” Betrayal stared back at me.

“Bambi…”

She headed for the door.

“Lila, hang on, we need to talk about this.”

“No, we really don’t.” She tried to open the door.

I slammed my palm against it, stopping her. “Yes. We do.”

“You’re leaving,” she whispered without looking at me. “You’re leaving and you weren’t going to tell me, or even say goodbye, were you?”

Her words landed like a steel-toed boot to the gut.

Breaking it off with this girl, hurting her, had fucked me up more than anyone knew. Shit, she was the reason I’d been wasted last night, the reason I’d been getting wasted the last month, but she was right, I hadn’t planned to tell her. I’d never wanted anything, anyone, the way I wanted her. Talking to her, seeing her again, wasn’t a risk I’d been willing to take. I wasn’t that strong, not when it came to Lila.

She’d come here last night, driven over an hour, for me, and from the fragments that I could remember, I’d humped on her like a blow-up doll and shoved her off when I couldn’t get it up. I’d treated her like dirt. The fact I barely remembered any of it didn’t excuse that shit.

“Were you?” she said again, voice husky, pained.

“I’ve gotta go away, maybe months. Don’t know when I’ll be back.” If I’ll make it back. “And I don’t…I don’t do relationships, Bambi, that’s not me, let alone long distance,” I forced myself to say. That may be true, but honestly, I didn’t want any other woman.

The truth was, I could’ve fallen for this girl.

But I’d only end up hurting her. What did I know about relationships? It’s not like I’d had a shining example growing up.

And the shit I was about to wade into, yeah, I’d rather end it now than risk her getting caught up in it. I wouldn’t risk her getting hurt.

“Look, Lila…”

“Don’t. Please, don’t say any more.” Her lips were quivering, and there was no missing how hurt and embarrassed she was.

I wanted to pull her into my arms so bad, I shook. “Bambi…”

“I need to go.” She yanked the door open.