Page 80 of Sin for You

Bull looked so serious and it was freaking me out. So I tried to keep things light, take it back to where they’d been before the party. I needed to be back in that place with him again. What I thought I saw in his eyes last night while he moved inside me, an emotion that scared me more than anything, had to be a figment of my imagination. It had to be.

And if you’re wrong?

My belly squirmed. I wasn’t ready to talk about anything deeper, I couldn’t, because I couldn’t give him that, not now, and if that’s what he wanted…

No, I needed to steer the conversation away from last night, from what I thought I saw, or I could lose him, and I couldn’t deal with that. “I’m fine now, I promise. Look, can we just…start again?”

“Quinn—”

“Logan, wait, just let me—” What? What could I do? I knew that tone. I’d heard it from Bevan and all my other exes before they told me I wasn’t good enough, that I was the reason our relationships weren’t working, that I wasn’t enough.

And if I was honest, deep down, my biggest fear with Bull was that once again that would be true. That I never had been, and never would be.

“You want to end it, don’t you?” I said, because I wouldn’t beg or plead or give more of myself away, not even to Bull. I’d given enough of myself in the past. And besides, I had no right to be upset. I’d set the rules.

His eyes were intense but gentle, those thick dark lashes framing them, softening them even more. Beautiful eyes that I realized, if I had more time, I could spend a lifetime staring into.

His Adam’s apple bobbed. “You need to know, baby, that you did nothing wrong. Nothing. Christ, you’re perfect. It’s not you, it’s—”

“It’s not you, it’s me? Really?” I whispered. “So I’m right? You’re ending it?”

He released a rough breath. “I think it’s for the best.”

He didn’t sound like himself, voice raw, rough.

“For who?” I said, unable to keep the words locked up tight.

His boots shifted on the carpet and he shoved his hands into his pockets. “Everyone.”

“What about you?” I said, even though I knew I shouldn’t. But I needed to hear it. I didn’t know what had happened between last night and now, why Bull had suddenly changed his mind about us, but I needed the truth no matter how much it hurt. I needed to know this was about Logan and what he wanted—nothing, no one else. “Is it best for you?”

He looked pale, throat working again. “For both of us.”

“That’s not what I asked. I don’t want or need you to protect me, to make decisions for me. Forget about Mase or what you think’s best for me or anyone else. Is that what you want?” My heart was pounding behind my ribs.

His fingers had curled into fists in his pockets. I could tell by the outline of his knuckles through the denim, by the way his pecs jumped and the tendons in his inked-up forearms bunched and strained.

His jaw tightened. “I don’t want to…fuck, tell me you know you did nothing wrong, that you believe me when I say this isn’t about you—”

“Of course it’s about me,” I fired back at him. He didn’t want to hurt me, he didn’t want to say it, and that’s exactly why I was pushing. Bull would do anything to save me from pain, even when he was dumping me. “Say it,” I whispered, bracing for his rejection.

I’d known this was coming, hadn’t I? This was always going to happen. Even from the first night we spent together, deep down I knew this was how it would end.

How else could it end?

The muscles in his arms flexed like he’d clenched his fists even tighter, and his eyes locked on mine, so soft, so full of tenderness. “You sure you want that, sweets?” he rumbled into the silence. “You sure you’re ready to hear it…what I want? What I’m feeling right now?” He thumped his closed fist against his chest. “In here…for you.”

I froze up, cold sweat coating my body, my belly churning. No, he didn’t mean…he couldn’t mean…

He shook his head, those soft eyes getting even softer. “Didn’t think so.”

I didn’t move, didn’t speak. I couldn’t. I didn’t have the words. Whatever he thought he was feeling, he was right—I wasn’t ready to hear it.

Bull stared at me, jaw working, then moved toward me. When he was in front of me, he cupped the side of my face. “It’s okay, baby.” He leaned in and kissed my temple. “You don’t need to say anything.”

My frozen heart shattered at the sweet, broken way he said that, at the gentle way he was looking at me.

I hated that the prominent emotion I felt right then was—fear. So much fear. And regret, that I might be hurting Bull, that I didn’t know how to give him more. That idea of trying, almost sent me into a full-blown panic attack.