Page 95 of Ruthless Protector

I wanted to crawl into a ball. I never wanted to see the pain I’d cause him, the pain that was tearing me apart. I couldn’t lie to him. I couldn’t pretend. He deserved the truth. “I do. I love you, Jude, but it’s not enough. If I was a different person, or this was a different time, or…”

“I don’t want a different damn person. I want you, as you are,” he gritted out. “And you want me, too.”

I blinked, and the tears I’d been fighting slid down my cheeks. I tried to step back, but he wouldn’t let go.

“Nothing lasts forever,” I said. “Nothing feels good forever. What if you get bored or feel smothered, getting this…this instant family, or suddenly this isn’t what you want anymore? You’ll leave, and you’ll be just another person to walk out on Tilly, to break her heart. I won’t do that to her, I won’t risk her heart, Jude. I won’t. She’s been through too much already, more than any kid should. She deserves more than that, and I promised her mother I’d give it to her.” I swiped at the tears that wouldn’t stop. “And I promised I’d do it alone.”

He tugged me forward the next time I tried to pull out of his hold, slamming me up against his chest, hands going to either side of my face, tilting it back and staring into my eyes. “Listen to me, just fucking listen. I get where you’re coming from, I do, beautiful, but I would never do that. I would never leave you, either of you. I’d cut off my own arm before I hurt that little girl. You’re mine, both of you are. Do you get that? I claimed you both as mine and there is no going back.”

I need you to promise me you’ll take care of Tilly if anything happens to me. Promise me you’ll raise her right. No man. You’ll look after my baby, you’ll keep her safe, and you’ll do it on your own.

My sister’s voice rang through my mind, like she was standing right beside me. I squeezed my eyes shut and I saw her there, lying on her bedroom floor, hand clutched in mine, begging me to keep that promise with her dying breath.

Then I saw Trent, desperate, and full of rage.

There was no other choice.

“I’m so sorry, Jude,” I said, a sob wrenching from me, so soul shaking it caused physical pain.

He just stood there, staring at me, like he couldn’t believe the words coming out of my mouth. Like he was waiting for me to tell him I was lying, or for me to snatch all the things I’d said back. It was agony, but I said nothing. I waited for him to see the truth in my eyes.

That it really was over. That we were over.

He tucked my hair behind my ear, expression hard, blazing, furious. Then he leaned in, pressing a hard kiss to my lips. “You’re making a mistake. When you work it out, I’ll be waiting. I’m not giving up on you, Willa Hartley. Never. You understand?” Then he released me and walked out the door.

I stumbled back, until my back met the wall, and slid to my ass. I sat there, staring after him, long after he’d gone.

Goodbye, Jude.

23

Jude

“You talked to her?” Van asked.

I sat heavily on my couch, phone in my hand, and stared at the ceiling. Was she up there? What was she doing right now? Jesus, she owned me, heart and soul, and she had no damned idea. Or maybe she did. Fuck, if I knew, but I planned on making her see it, making her believe it.

“Jude?”

“There’s nothing to talk about. She’s decided running is a better bet than trusting me with the truth, whatever the hell that is.”

I hadn’t confronted her about the money she’d asked Tomas for. I’d hoped she’d confide in me on that rooftop; she hadn’t, of course.

Van was silent a beat. “You’re letting her go?”

My fingers curled tighter around the phone. “No fucking way. Neco’s working on it now.” My gaze lifted to the ceiling again, like I could communicate through stone and drywall, like I could get in her damn head and make her listen, make her come to me and talk to me. No more secrets, beautiful.

“When you have something, let me know. I’m here, whatever you need,” Van said.

“Thanks.”

We ended the call and I sat there in the dark room, deep in my own head. A place I didn’t like to be at the best of times. I felt helpless. Something I hadn’t felt since I lost Kate and Louis. I’d spent a great deal of my life helping other people, solving problems; it was what kept me going. Losing my sister and my nephew was my greatest failure, and had almost killed me.

I would have given anything for another day with them. Anything.

Willa, she was still here, I hadn’t lost her yet, and I didn’t plan on it. Another failure, another loss wasn’t acceptable. I would not let it happen.

A vision of her staring up at me, tears glistening in her eyes, filled my head. “I love you, too.” I sucked in a sharp breath. Those three words, coming out of her mouth, almost knocked me on my ass. And the impact hadn’t lessened the next day. Far from it.