Page 88 of Ruthless Protector

There was a grumble, which Jude grinned at, then the door buzzed and unlocked. He still had hold of my hand and we went inside.

“A friend of yours, I take it?” I asked.

“You could say that.”

A heaviness had come over Jude I couldn’t explain, had never seen before, and it stopped me from teasing or asking more questions. We stopped at one of the apartment doors, Jude knocked, and the door opened a crack.

Jude held up the bag. “Here’s your payment, you goddamned extortionist.”

The door opened wider, and an elderly man grinned at Jude, taking the bag from him.

“Pleasure doing business with you,” the guy said, then shut the door in our faces.

I frowned. “Payment?”

Jude shrugged. “For letting us in the building.”

“Um, okay.” Jude was giving nothing away. “What was in the bag?”

“Snickers and Reese’s peanut butter cups.”

I blinked.

“Come on,” Jude said, and took my hand, leading me to the elevator.

A few minutes later, we were walking out onto the roof. Jude still held my hand and we walked to the edge. A new building was standing next to it, higher than the one we were on. Jude moved to one of the air vents, reached around it, and pulled out a lawn chair. He opened it and patted it for me to sit. I did, curious, and starting to get a little concerned for some reason. Jude handed me a beer, got one for himself, and he sat on the ground, leaning against the short wall at the edge off the roof, his boots resting against mine.

“Why are we up here?” I asked, unable to control my curiosity any longer.

“That building.” He aimed his thumb behind him, to the new apartment building. “It used to be a laundromat. It had an apartment above it; small, one bedroom. The place my sister rented when she first got out of her relationship. I wanted her and Louis to move in with me, but she said she had to do it on her own. I let her. I thought she needed to feel like she had control over something, you know? So, I let her. I hated it, so I bought a house, one they’d feel safe in. I thought I could charge her a little rent, so she felt like she was doing it on her own, and then we’d all be able to sleep better at night.”

Oh God. “My apartment?”

I went to stand, to go to him, but he shook his head, stopping me. “Yeah, I bought it for them, took them to see it. Kate loved it. I hadn’t seen her smile like that in so damned long.” He stared out at the sky, but he didn’t see the sky, he was looking inward. “I dropped her back here, to her shitty apartment above the laundromat afterwards. We made plans for the weekend. I was going to help them move their stuff, not that they had a lot. I was going to sort that out as well the next day. Pay Wayne a visit and get Kate’s stuff back. I’d been waiting to calm down a little. I didn’t trust myself. If I’d gone to that fucker when I found out what was going on…” He cleared his throat.

Telling me this story was hurting him, and I didn’t want him to hurt. I hated it. “Jude, you don’t have to…”

“No, I want to,” he said, still not looking at me. “He was out on parole, but I didn’t think he’d have the stones to go near them again. Not when I knew the truth. So I went home to bed.” He rubbed his beard. “I got a phone call at three a.m. The laundromat, the apartment, was on fire. Wayne had lit it, barricaded the exits, then shot himself.” His knees came up, hands rubbing over his short hair, taking deep, steadying breaths. “I come here sometimes,” he said, and lifted his head. His eyes were pools of agony, windows to his fractured soul, showing me everything, all his pain.

I stood and went to him then; no way could I sit back any longer. I sat beside him and snuggled into his side, wrapping my arms around him. “I’m so sorry, Jude.”

He brushed a hand over my hair, then kissed the top of my head. “I come here when I need to feel close to them, the place I last saw them, the last time I heard their voices. Where I last saw them both smile and wave to me, right before I drove away. I sit in that lawn chair, sometimes for hours, not knowing how I’m going to get back up, how I’m going to leave them.”

Tears welled in my eyes. I felt his pain, I knew it. “Jude…”

He took my hand. “No one else knows that. Not even Mac. He thinks I come up here cause I’m some kind of astronomy geek.” He grinned at that and squeezed my fingers. “But I wanted to share that with you, something I’ve never shared with another person.”

I fell in love with him, right then and there. How could I not? I think I might have fallen for him before then, but right then I let it in, I didn’t fight it. The sweet ache was all-consuming. Was nothing I’d ever felt before.

My belly squirmed, my heart raced, and I had to swallow several times before I could talk. “Thank you,” I said, because I didn’t know what else to say. I just knew I was humbled he wanted to share such a personal part of himself with me, and freaking out over my revelation.

And hating that it changed nothing.

His eyes did not waver from mine. “I care about you, Willa, a lot.” He let out a long, rough breath. “I’m trying to open up with you here, beautiful, I’m trying to let you in. I haven’t done that, not for a long time, not since before I lost Kate and Louis.”

He wanted something from me, something more. I’d told him about my past, about Rebecca. I didn’t have anything else, not anything I could or wanted to share, and despite my feelings, I didn’t know if I wanted to go deeper. What was the point now? I wanted our last days together to be happy ones, not filled with pain.

“I’m glad you did,” I said lamely, while my heart ached and I tried to sort out everything; all the thoughts and emotions, swirling like whirlpools in my heart and mind.