Page 112 of Ruthless Protector

A lump formed in my throat. I nodded.

“If Mom wants us happy, that means she’d want us to stay here, to stay with Jude.”

My heart pounded behind my ribs as everything she said hit home. “You’re right, I think she would too.”

We carried on to the bus stop and after I waved her off, I headed back to my place. As I passed Fay’s house, the door opened, and Raul walked out. He pulled Fay in for a long kiss, then jogged down the stairs and left.

I watched her watch him as he walked away, the look in her eyes. She was happy. Happier than I’d ever seen her. She saw me then, and her face turned pink.

“Get in here,” she said. “I need a coffee and by the looks of you, so do you.”

A few minutes later, I was sitting at her kitchen table, a mug in front of me, squirming under Fay’s direct, all-knowing stare.

“You’re staying?” she asked.

I paused, I don’t know why. “Yes.”

Fay sipped her drink. “What about Jude? Does he know?”

It was like the woman could read my mind, and just like that, just the mention of his name had a wave of emotion hammering me. The good kind. And it overwhelmed me. I gave her a soggy grin. “God, I’m so damn sick of crying.”

She took my hand. “You know what I’ve recently learned?” She squeezed my fingers. “You can’t let your past hold you back from happiness. It’s what I’ve been doing, it’s what you’ve been doing for the longest time. It’s only natural all that emotion you’ve been locking down is going to come out now. Let it. Don’t be afraid to feel.”

I was struggling to breathe all of a sudden. “I made a promise to Rebecca. Do you really think I can let it go? That I won’t spend the rest of my life thinking I let her down?”

“I made a promise to Mateo, but he’s gone now, and so is Rebecca. We can’t live for the people we lost, we have to live for the now, for ourselves. We have to live our own lives. Raul and I, we missed a lot of time together because I didn’t understand that, because I couldn’t let Mateo go. Because I felt guilty for loving someone else. Don’t make the same mistake I did.” She gave my hand one last squeeze. “Don’t waste a damn single second of the time you have on this earth.”

I bit my lip. “You really think it’s that easy…”

“No, but it’s worth it, I promise you that.” She sat back in her chair. “What do you think Rebecca would have thought of Jude if she’d met him?”

“She wouldn’t have trusted him,” I said honestly. “She would have told me not to either.”

“And did you…trust him when you met him?” she asked.

“No.” I’d let him know it as well.

“Exactly. Jude worked for it, he showed you time and again, that you could believe in him. If Rebecca was still here, knowing how important she was to you, you know damn well he would have worked to gain that trust from her as well, and he would have succeeded. He won you over, didn’t he?”

Fay was right. He would have, he would have won Rebecca over, because above all else, Jude was a good man, the best. People who wore masks, hiding who they truly were, couldn’t hide forever; eventually the ugly showed though. Jude had never worn a mask, not ever. Those kind eyes of his hid nothing. Rebecca would have seen that, even if she hadn’t wanted to.

“Does he love you?” Fay asked.

“Yes.” I knew that truth down to my soul.

“Do you love him?”

“Yes,” I said without hesitation. But it wasn’t about me. As much as I wanted this, and as much as I trusted Jude, I had to play my own devil’s advocate. It was hard to change the habits of a lifetime. “What about Tilly, what if this doesn’t work out, what if…”

Fay held up a hand, shutting me up. “Do you want Tilly to grow up like you and Rebecca? Never trusting anyone, never letting anyone close enough because she’s afraid they might hurt her? Or do you want her to see what real love and respect looks like? How a man should treat a woman? How a relationship is supposed to be? Choosing a life filled with love and joy is the best lesson you could ever teach her, honey, it’s a precious gift.”

Fay always knew the right thing to say, but she hadn’t finished.

“Keeping promises are important, Willa, but not at the expense of your and Tilly’s happiness. No one, not even Rebecca, would ask that of you.”

Rebecca hadn’t believed love existed, not between a man and a woman, but if she’d had a chance to see it, to see Jude and me together—I knew she would have wanted this for me, I knew it with everything in me. And most of all, she would have wanted it for Tilly.

I shot to my feet. “I need to go.”