Page 97 of Beautiful Killer

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Zeke

I increased the speed on the treadmill until I was flat out sprinting, arms pumping at my sides.

As hard as I’d tried, I couldn’t quiet the thoughts in my head, couldn’t breathe past the guilt, the feeling of loss and pain, churning in my gut.

I realized when I went home, seeing my parents, why I’d avoided going back so fiercely. It made checking out, giving up on my shitty life, a fuck of a lot harder. Seeing my parents had brought it home, why I had to keep fighting every day, why I had to give a fuck if I lived or died. I couldn’t do that to my folks.

I hadn’t wanted that reminder. I hadn’t wanted the reminder of them, of us, as a family. I’d done my damnedest to block it out. I’d been a selfish asshole, hadn’t given one thought to how my death would affect them. I hadn’t allowed myself to think about it.

Now I couldn’t stop.

But messing with me even more that, was the look on Sunny’s face when she told me she was leaving. Watching her walk away, knowing I’d fucked everything up, knowing that she loved me. Not knowing what to say, and watching her walk away.

She loves me.

My thighs burned, but I didn’t slow the speed. I preferred my own gym, but the agency one would have to do, because I wasn’t going home, not for a while at least. I couldn’t face it without Sunny there. I’d see her everywhere, my kitchen, my couch, my bed, and I was already fucked up over her. I spent two nights without her, and I hated it, loathed being separated from her. It felt wrong. So damn wrong.

I didn’t know how to fix it, how to deal with this feeling inside me. I’d even got Van to set up an appointment with his shrink the day I got back, but then backed out.

What the hell was I going to do?

I had to talk to her, and I knew I couldn’t wait any longer. I tried to stay away like she asked.

But I couldn’t be without her another night.

After a quick shower, I drove to her place and banged on the door. I knew if I just talked to her, I could make this right. I banged again. If I could just get through the door and talk to her, we could get this sorted out, we could go back to the way we were . . .

The door opened.

Every thought in my head scattered as I ate up the sight of her. Her hair was down around her shoulders, eyes wide on me, lips pressed together. She was wearing the long-sleeved blue shirt I loved on her and yoga pants, thick socks on her feet. She looked a little pale . . .

“What are you doing here?” she said.

I wanted to pull her into my arms so bad, I had to clench my fingers into a fist so I didn’t reach for her. “Can we talk?”

“There’s nothing to talk about . . .”

“Sunny . . .” I grabbed the door, scared she’d shut it in my face. “I just need you to hear me out, then I’ll leave.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Please.” I’d fucking beg if I had to.

She bit her lip, then after what felt like a lifetime, stepped back and finally let me in. I shut the door behind me and followed her into the living room. I noted she took the chair instead of the couch where she usually sat. No risk of me sitting beside her that way. Shit.

I strode to the other side of the room and turned to her. Her expression was blank. She’d locked me out. I’d started to get in and now she’d locked me out.

She motioned to some beads on the coffee table “I’m kind of busy. Can we just get this over with?”

Fuck. My Sunny was gone, she was hidden behind her mask, only this time there were no smiles, not for me. “What you heard . . .”

“Was the truth,” she said.

“No, you only know half of it . . .”

“Do you love me, Zeke?”