Page 69 of Beautiful Killer

I stared at it.

Now what did I do?

Sunny

I stared at the door. It seemed like forever before I heard the sound of his boots taking him away.

My hands went to my belly and I sucked in a sharp, painful breath.

Pregnant.

Holding it together in front of him, after having the doctor confirm the pregnancy, had been excruciating. I’d had no choice but to go ahead and end it between us. I couldn’t pretend I didn’t feel the way I did about him another moment. I couldn’t pretend he didn’t mean something to me, not now. So I’d retreated to panic, self-preservation, keeping in control of the words that came out of my mouth.

Pregnant.

I couldn’t get my head around it. How? I mean, I knew how. God, against all odds, I’d fallen pregnant.

It was a miracle.

A crazy, terrifying, unbelievable miracle.

“Sunny?” Julie’s hand came down on my shoulder behind me and just like that, the dam broke. The freak-out I’d contained while I was with Zeke broke its bonds and I spun around, throwing myself into her arms. “Oh God,” I cried. “What am I going to do?”

Julia’s arms came around me instantly, like we’d done this before, even when the reality was very different. She held me for a while then lifted her head. “You love him?”

I nodded and another sob broke past my lips.

“Then why? Why did you send him away?” she asked, frowning.

My breaths turned into gasps and Julia ushered me to the couch in the living room and sat me down. She held me until I pulled it together enough to speak. Finally, I looked over at her. “He doesn’t want a relationship, and he . . . he doesn’t want . . . kids . . .” Another sob cut me off.

Her eyes searched mine and a sad smile tugged at her lips. “A lot of men say that. Doesn’t mean Zeke won’t change his mind one day. Relationships, family, can be frightening to some people.”

I shook my head. “That’s not Zeke. He doesn’t want that . . . at least, not with me.”

She brushed my hair back from my face. “Sunny . . .” she said gently. “Maybe it’s a good thing . . . that he doesn’t want kids?”

Since we’d been getting closer, I’d told Julia how things had ended with Richard. Why he’d broken up with me. I blinked up at her and more tears streaked down my face. “Julia . . .”

“Maybe it’s best not to think about kids. He doesn’t want them, you might not have them. Maybe it’s best to cross that bridge when and if you come to it. You’re only setting yourself up for more hurt.”

I grabbed her hand and squeezed. “I’m at the bridge, Julia.”

Now it was her turn to blink. “What?”

I gripped her hand tighter. “I’m pregnant.”

She was quiet for several long seconds and looking almost as shocked as I was. “You’re pregnant,” she whispered.

I nodded.

“You haven’t told Zeke?”

I shook my head. “Not yet. I just found out. I’m still trying to get my head around it.”

Her fingers gripped mine offering comfort. “Are you going to tell him?”

“Yes.” My lips started to tremble. “He has a right to know. But he doesn’t want this, and I’m not going to force it on him.”

She brushed my hair back again. “You’re going to keep it?”

That there was a choice had never occurred to me. A baby, a family of my own, was something I’d given up on, a dream I’d let go of. But against all odds, I now had a baby growing inside me. My baby. It wouldn’t be easy, doing it alone. But there was no other choice for me. This could be my only chance, “Yes,” I whispered.

Then I broke down again and Julia pulled me back into her arms, holding me while I fell apart.

“I know I wasn’t there for you when we were growing up. I know Mom and I treated you like shit, ignored you, left you out, I . . . I felt sick about it.” She held me tighter. “I followed her lead, did what she wanted or she directed her anger at me. I guess . . . I went from one bully to another when I married Bobby. But I wanted her approval so much back then. I acted like her, did what was expected to try and make her happy. I’m not trying to make excuses for the way I was with you, I was weak, scared, pathetic. I should have stood up to her, but I didn’t.” She sniffed. “I want to help you, be there for you and the baby, be a good aunt.”

I wiped my eyes and sat straighter. I didn’t know what to say. Honestly, I felt like I was seeing the real Julia for the first time. “I had no idea that you were going through that . . . I wish I’d . . .”

She squeezed my hand, stopping me. “There was no way you could have known. I was good at hiding it,” she said.

I pulled her back in for a hug. “You and me, we’re moving forward from here. Together.”

“Really?”

We were both full-on crying now. “Yes. I need you, too. I can’t do this alone.”