Page 45 of Beautiful Killer

I had his full attention. And as always, he made me want to squirm in my seat. “I spent a lot of time on my own growing up. My dad worked a lot, and when he was home, he wasn’t, you know? My stepmother and stepsister . . . well, they did their own thing. I worked out pretty early on in life to only rely on myself, that everyone lets you down or just wants you for what you can give them. I prefer to be on my own.” Okay, I hadn’t meant to say quite so much. But that look in his eyes, so freaking intense, had me babbling.

He stared at me for a few beats. “How long have you been alone, Sunny?”

“I broke up with my ex three years ago,” I said, fidgeting with the hem of my shirt.

His penetrating gaze did not waver. “That wasn’t what I asked.”

I sucked in a sharp breath then tried to hide my reaction. I’d had people come and go in my life, but I’d always been alone, or at least I’d felt that way. Even when I was dating Richard. And I got the feeling Zeke knew that, had worked it out, and not just from what I’d blurted about my family. He was looking at me like he still wanted an answer. I bit my lip and glanced at the TV. I wasn’t going into all the ugly details, he’d already gotten the CliffsNotes, that was more than enough.

“What about you, do you want kids?” he asked, in that low, gritty way he had that never failed to lift goose bumps on my skin.

He’d obviously picked up on my reluctance to answer and thought this was a safer subject. He couldn’t be more wrong.

As uncomfortable as this line of questioning made me, there really was no reason to hide the truth from him. “I do . . . or did. I can’t . . . well, the chances of me ever falling pregnant are extremely unlikely.” I shrugged with a carelessness I didn’t feel. “That’s why my last relationship broke up, actually. I couldn’t give Richard what he wanted, so he moved on.”

I’d gone off the pill when we’d decided to start trying for a baby. Yeah, we were young, but we knew it was what we wanted. We tried for over a year and nothing happened. Eventually I went to the doctor, and after a ton of tests, she gave me the news. It would probably never happen for me. I’d wanted a family so bad, a bunch of kids of my own one day. To finally get the family I never had. But that wasn’t in the cards. It took me a long time to come to terms with it, but I had. I didn’t have another choice. But then sometimes, when the question came, and I was asked if I had kids, it threw me, and it hit hard.

A fierceness stole his features, so intense I shivered. Finally, he said, “Your ex, your family, they didn’t deserve you, Sunny . . . None of us do.” Then he stood, scooped up our plates, and carried them to the kitchen.

I stared at his back as he cleaned up, pretty sure my mouth was hanging open. He’d included himself in that comment. I wanted to ask more, but kept my mouth shut this time. We’d both just sat there and said we preferred to be on our own. He didn’t want more from me and I’d just said the same thing to him.

“You want some ice cream?” he said from the kitchen. He’d obviously come to the same conclusion.

“Sure.”

He dished up then handed it over, and we went back to watching TV, only a different channel. Zeke may not want a wife, but I got the feeling the show rubbed his alpha male heart the wrong way. If Zeke ever decided to be with someone permanently, he’d be all in. There was no doubt in my mind about that. A twinge of jealousy curled behind my ribs. Over a woman who didn’t exist, may never exist. I was obviously losing my mind.

We sat and hung out for a few hours, just watching TV and chatting about random things. He asked about my shop, the pieces I made. It was nice. When I went on the occasional date and talked about my shop, or my jewelry, their eyes seemed to glaze over. I knew a lot of guys assumed I was some ditsy blond and when it turned out that wasn’t the case, they acted like I’d somehow duped them.

“You have a pretty face, don’t mess that up by talking.”One guy had actually said that to me . . . out loud.

Zeke seemed genuinely interested, though. He even asked questions about my processes for the different kinds of pieces I made, my soldering work.

I could have sat there talking all night, but Zeke excused himself to go work out. I tried not to dwell on my disappointment over that and went up to grab a shower. It was silly after all the nights we’d spent together, but it felt weird just climbing into his bed on my own. I grabbed a nightie out if my bag and tugged it on, then slid between the sheets. The bed smelled like Zeke. Masculine. Raw. There was no other way to describe it. I started to heat up, a deep need growing low in my belly. Like just a whiff of the man was my own personal aphrodisiac.

I forced myself to think unsexy thoughts and closed my eyes.

When I woke again, I was surrounded by warmth. Zeke was behind me, close. His arm was over my waist . . .

He groaned and thrashed suddenly. I knew instantly why I’d woken up. The covers were thrown off and the sheet was tangled around us both. He groaned again, the sound that come from him was tormented, ripping from him in a way that sounded almost painful. His arm tightened around me, so hard I yelped. He didn’t let up, his grip getting unbearably tight.

“Zeke . . . wake up,” I gasped, pushing against his arm.

He carried on thrashing about. I dug my fingernails into his arm to try and wake him up before he cracked one of my ribs.

I felt him jolt awake, his body turning to stone behind me.

“You were dreaming,” I gasped into the dark room, even while trying, and failing, to keep my voice light. “I didn’t want to wake you, but your ah, your hold on me, it was a little tight.”

His arm loosened immediately. “Shit . . . shit, I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?” He jerked back. “Fuck. Fuck.”

I quickly dragged myself into a sitting position, still trying to catch my breath, and reached out for him. He pulled away, sitting on the edge of the bed, shaking his head, saying he was sorry over and over again.

“Zeke,” I slid closer, trying to make contact with him. Whatever just happened, whatever tormented him in his sleep, I knew in my gut he needed someone to comfort him. He’d never admit it. Zeke was a warrior, and it wasn’t a stretch to imagine that he preferred to carry everything on his own shoulders. He wouldn’t accept help, but I wanted to do something to ease him just the same. I reached out again and this time managed to curl my fingers around his wrist.

“I’m okay,” I said. He was staring into space; maybe still lost in the nightmare he’d just had. I slid closer and climbed up behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist from behind. “You didn’t hurt me. I’m fine.”

He scrubbed his face with his hands and shook his head. “I’m sorry,” he said again then stood, pulling away from me.