Page 100 of Beautiful Killer

She frowned and shook her head. “Danny knew every time he went away that he might not come back. You were put in an awful situation. You hesitated, Zeke. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t.” She shook her head and gave my arm another squeeze. “Nothing will bring Danny back. Not your confession”—her eyes gentled—“and not you living a life full of guilt and regret.”

“Why don’t you hate me?” I said, still unable to believe what she’d just said, unable to process it.

She blinked and a tear streaked down her face. “It wasn’t your fault, Zeke.”

A wave of emotion crashed over me, so strong I staggered back. She moved in, wrapped her arms around me, and gave me a hug. Trying to make me feel better, after what I’d just told her.

“I need you to do something for me, Zeke,” she said when she pulled back.

“Anything,” I said, voice cracking.

“If you want to honor the memory of my Danny, then live your best life. You made it home. You made it. Not doing that, not making the most of every day, that would not only piss me off, it would piss Danny off, too, do you hear me?”

I nodded, trying and failing to hold it together.

She’d just given me a gift. And no, the guilt, the pain, hadn’t instantly vanished. I knew I would carry it with me for the rest of my life, that I had a lot of work to do to get my head straight, but I also felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, so heavy I didn’t know how I’d been walking upright all this time.

For the first time in a long time, I thought that maybe, just maybe, I had a future.

* * *

I walked into the agency the next day with a new mission. I’d taken the night to sort things out in my head. After I talked to Karen, I’d gone to speak with Lisa. Her husband Jacob had also lost his life that day. She’d been just as forgiving. Shit, those women blew me away. I admired their strength and resilience, their determination to carry on despite their pain.

I headed through the reception and down the hall toward Hunter’s office, looking for Van. He was right. I did need to talk to someone, someone who dealt with PTSD, someone who could help me cope with what happened, and this time I wouldn’t back out. If I wanted to be the kind of man Sunny deserved, the kind of man she could count on, that could give her everything she needed, I had to do this. I couldn’t get there alone.

Before I could see her again, I had to have a plan, something to offer her. That I was working on my emotional shit. Then I’d get down on my goddamn knees and beg her to forgive me for treating her like she didn’t matter when . . . Christ, she did, she meant more to me than anything else in my life.

Voices were coming from Hunter’s office, so I walked in. Van and Jude were there as well, and all heads swiveled to me when I crossed the threshold.

“What’s going on?”

“Got a call from Connor,” Jude said. “Someone stumbled across Miller’s hideout. Cops found a whole load of stolen shit.”

“And?”

Jude’s brows lowered. “They found some jewelry. Sunny IDed it as hers.”

This surprised me. I’d assumed everything had been fenced. My plan to stay away from Sunny for a little while flew out the window. She said she didn’t want to see me, but this news, it could have brought up memories, fears, and I wouldn’t let her go through that alone. I wanted to make sure she was okay. “I’m heading to Sunny’s.”

Van jerked up his chin. “I’ll call if I hear anything else from Connor.”

Sunny

I stared down at my phone and frowned. Julia was supposed to come into work this afternoon to cover me while I was at my doctor’s appointment. She hadn’t made it into work yesterday, either. I’d called worried and she’d basically snapped my head off and told me to get off her back. I had no idea what was going on with her, but she was due at the shop thirty minutes ago and still no text, nothing to say she was running late or couldn’t make it. It felt like she was going back to the way she used to be, when she was still with Bobby. A sick feeling twisted inside me. Had he weaseled his way back into her life? No. She wouldn’t do that, not after everything he put her through. Not after finally getting away from him.

I checked the time again. My only choice was to close the shop, and with all the upheaval lately, and erratic opening hours, I wasn’t happy about that idea at all, but I didn’t really have another option. God, I was too tired to deal with this today. I hadn’t been sleeping, not since I got back from Roxford. When Zeke had shown up at my place, I’d stupidly hoped he was there to tell me he loved me, that I’d got it wrong.

He hadn’t of course. There was no mistake. Now I wasn’t sure what my next step with him was.

There isn’t one. You’re raising this baby alone.

The little voice in my head was right. And now it seemed I couldn’t even count on Julia anymore.

I grabbed my bag and keys and was about to head out when my phone beeped.

Julia. Finally.

I quickly read the message. I can’t come in today. But I need to talk to you. Will you meet me at the shop after closing?

I stared down at the screen, confused. Something wasn’t right. I can come to your apartment?

No, it has to be there.

What the hell was going on? I fired back a reply: Are you okay?

Yes. Will you meet me? It’s important.

Of course. I’ll be here waiting.I went to my appointment and got back to the shop around my usual closing time. While I waited for Julia, I decided to do some work in the back room. I also needed time to mentally prepare what I was going to say to her, because this had to be about Bobby. I had a horrible feeling she was considering taking him back.

No way would I let that happen.