Page 82 of Slide

They stood in the middle of his living room, staring at each other. His gaze moved over her face, lingering on her lips before lifting back to lock with her eyes.

“Luce…”

She forced a small smile, even as emotions raged through her. “I knew what this was when it started. You don’t have to explain.” Her heart fractured when he didn’t try and deny it, when he didn’t say she was wrong, that he loved her as much as she loved him.

Shit, did that hurt.

Jamming his fingers through his hair, muscles dancing and shifting under his tanned skin, he took a step closer. “I’m sorry. I just…I can’t be what you need, I can’t—”

“Bullshit.” The word exploded out of her mouth before she knew she was going to say it. She’d planned to bow out gracefully, but screw that. Not when he was going with that tired old line. “Don’t.” She held up her hands to stop him from coming any closer when it looked like he might. “Don’t do that. Don’t make excuses. Don’t try and tell me you’re doing this for my own good. That’s a cop-out and a weak one at that. I think you know how I feel about you, and I think ending it like this—you playing the martyr—keeps me where you want me, hanging on a string, trailing behind you in case you decide to man up and accept what’s between us. So, until that day, if it ever goddamn comes, you can carry on with your pointless existence, screwing around…nothing too hard or messy. Nothing real.” She backed away. “So don’t you do that. I deserve better than some overused line, and as it turns out, I deserve better than you.”

His throat worked several times, like he was trying to keep it together as well. She inwardly locked down the sympathy trying to surface. No. She wouldn’t feel sorry for him. He chose this, to end it, rather than take a chance on them.

“Why don’t you just say it?” she snapped at him. “Tell the damn truth for once.”

His jaw worked, but he kept his lips firmly closed.

“You’re a lot of things, Adam Grady, but I never thought a coward was one of them.”

His entire body had gone still, every muscle in his arms and chest bulging and jumping.

Backing away, she pulled the door open. “And just so we’re clear, I’m not your friend. We weren’t that before all of this, not really, and I don’t want that now. Don’t call, don’t text, don’t come to the trailer.” Then she walked out the door, pulling it shut behind her.

~ * ~

Adam stared at the closed door, clenching his teeth so damn hard they ached. Every muscle in his body throbbed from holding himself back.

He shoved his hands through his hair and fisted it. It was for the best, letting her think he was a coward, that he was a selfish prick, that he wanted to go back to his old ways, that he had no damn feelings. It was easier than the truth. “Fuck.” Maybe he was a coward.

Shit. Had he been trying to keep her hanging on a string like she said? Because, yeah, he knew how she felt about him. How could he not? He started pacing his apartment. Jesus, he felt wrong in his own skin. His entire being was rebelling against what had happened, that he’d let her walk away—that he’d ended it.

God, her parting shot not to call or text—she knew he’d never do that after what she’d been through with Daniel. That ignoring her wishes would lump him in the same category as that fucking asshole—the very thing he’d been trying to avoid. Selfishly keeping her for himself, trying to hold onto her when he was no damn good for anybody. He’d been trying to put her first and instead he’d alienated her forever.

He stared out the window, fist coming up, meeting the wall beside it with force when he saw her getting into a cab. He wanted to bang like fuck on the window and scream for her to come back, to beg her to forgive him, to promise to never leave him again. But he couldn’t, wouldn’t do that to her. She deserved so much more than him. Lucy deserved the world, someone who could give that world to her through glittering, rose-tinted glasses. He resided in dark pain and self-loathing, and that wasn’t the place for Lucy, not when she was light and happiness—laughter.

He’d done the right thing. He’d saved her from him, a messed-up, emotionally scarred insomniac. She’d dodged a bullet, and didn’t have the first clue how close she’d come to being dragged down with him.

The cab drove off with Lucy inside and he watched its taillights until they were swallowed up in traffic.

~ * ~

Two weeks had passed since Lucy walked out of his place. Hugh was barely talking to him, and Joe, well, he’d grunted at Adam several times, and though not technically words, he’d take it. He deserved their rancor. That and a whole lot more.

He should be thinking about how the hell to patch things up between to them. How they’d get past this—if they could. Jesus, if he should be looking for another job.

But instead of trying to repair his friendship with men he considered brothers, all he could think about was their sister.

Guilt was a tight fist in his gut, and at the same time, he missed her so fucking much the pain was like a wound that wouldn’t heal. Every mention, every reminder was like someone tearing at that wound, making it deeper and wider.

To top it off, today was the day he dreaded every damn year. A day that had his head swimming with unwanted memories, with pain and regret. Shame.

After wiping his hands, he stood and closed the hood of the Toyota he’d been working on. He was putting tools away when Lucy drove in. He hadn’t expected to see her, not yet. Thought she’d avoid this place and him. Obviously he was wrong. He couldn’t take his eyes off her as she climbed out of her car and headed for the garage, but Hugh was out the door meeting her before she’d taken more than a few steps.

Yeah, he knew he’d done wrong, going behind his friends’ backs with their little sister, but seeing just how strongly they didn’t want her with him was a serious fucking blow.

He ate up the sight of her as she stopped in front of her eldest brother. There was this amazing smile on her face, a smile that socked him so hard in the chest he struggled to breathe. She was talking animatedly, hands waving about like she tended to do when she was excited. Something had lit up Lucy’s world, and he hated that he couldn’t share it with her, that it wasn’t him she came running to, cheeks flushed with happiness.

Hugh tugged her forward, wrapping her in a hug. Joe had gone out to join them and he didn’t waste time pulling her into his arms as well. She left a short time later and though he knew he should keep his mouth shut, when Hugh and Joe walked back in, he couldn’t have stopped the question from leaving his mouth if his life depended on it.