Page 62 of Swerve (Boosted Hearts 1)

Ruby was out of bed before I could walk away, racing around the bed and blocking the door. Her hands went to my gut, pushing, trying to stop me from leaving. “What is it? Tell me what’s going on?” she whispered. “Jesus, Neco, you’re freaking me out.”

All I could think was that I was basically treating her like all those men had treated my mother. She’d been hurt because of me, and I was doing the one thing that separated me from them, from those men with their black hearts. Always taking what I needed from her, caring only about my needs. I was supposed to do that for her. My mom used to cry when they left; sometimes she was inconsolable. The sight was stamped on my soul. I’d done awful things in my life, but I’d never mistreated a woman.

But tonight, I’d used Ruby . . . to appease the beast.

I was going to hyperventilate. There was too much shit going on in my head. Too much anger. Too much guilt.

“Jesus.” Ruby pressed against me. “Baby, sit down.”

I dropped to my ass, like someone had blown out my kneecaps, letting my head thump against the wall behind me and squeezed my eyes closed. I felt her hands on my face, felt her soft lips pressing against my cheeks, my jaw, listened to her soft words.

“Shhh. Just breathe. That’s it, slow and deep.”

It worked. Listening to her voice calmed me down enough so that I stopped feeling dizzy, the panic drifting away, the red rage fading. Ruby needed her man to be strong, and not only had I just humiliated myself in front of my woman, I’d let her down, back then, and now.

I slid my arms around her waist and held her to me tighter. I didn’t deserve her.

But no fucking way was I letting her go.

It was too late for that now.

* * *

Ruby

I woke alone.

Voices drifted in from the living room, deep, low voices that didn’t sound happy. Climbing out of bed, I pulled on some tights and dragged Neco’s T-shirt from last night back on . I walked out of the room and down the short hall. Van was standing across from Neco, and they were deep in conversation.

“What’s going on?” I asked as I crossed the room.

Neco watched me as I approached. The look on his face told me he was still uneasy about what happened last night. After sitting on the floor with him for close to an hour, he’d picked me up and climbed into bed, wrapping me in his arms. He finally told me how damn helpless he was feeling, that his meeting with Raul hadn’t gone well, and they were no closer to finding Scott or the people behind that sick fucking website.

I hated that he felt that way, that he actually felt like he was letting me down. I tried to tell him he was wrong, but I knew he wasn’t done punishing himself.

My stomach was still in knots over what Neco found on Scott’s laptop. I was still trying to process the fact that strangers had seen me doing the most intimate things a woman could do, but something about the video Scott had kept of the night I spent with him was too much for me to deal with, especially since I remembered none of it.

“Just a case we’re working,” Neco said, barely meeting my eyes.

What in the hell?

“You sure about that?” I closed the space between us, leaning into his side as I stole his coffee cup from him, took a sip, then handed it back. I felt his body relax. Did he think I was pissed at him? He kept apologizing to me last night, but he had nothing to apologize for. He needed to know that this was a two-way street. If he needed me, I was there for him. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and ask if he was okay, talk to him, make him understand, but I couldn’t do anything with an audience.

“Nothing for you to worry about,” he said finally, sliding his arm around me and holding me to his side.

I glanced at Van, brow raised. His expression was unreadable, and he kept his lips firmly shut.

“We’ll be finished up soon,” Neco said. “Why don’t you go grab a shower and I’ll make you breakfast when you’re done?”

They were trying to get rid of me, which meant whatever they were talking about was definitely something I needed to know. “Don’t you dare keep me in the dark. I don’t need protecting, not from the truth. If you know something . . . tell me. Besides, there’s nothing you need to hide from me, I’m an agent now, remember? Plus, I used to work for you. I’ve heard it all.”

Van sipped his coffee then leaned back against the counter. “Sorry to tell you this, but there’s a lot you didn’t know about the agency and what we do.”

My spine straightened. I was pissed off and offended all at once. “What do you mean?”

Van shrugged. “There were things you were better off not knowing when it came to work. This would be one of those things.”

“You don’t trust me?” I accused.