Page 52 of Swerve (Boosted Hearts 1)

My face got hotter still. Crap. “It’s not that . . .”

A frown lowered his brows. “What is it?”

I quickly shook my head. He looked worried now and that’s the last thing I wanted. “I guess, I never thought . . . you and me . . . it’s always been this, this abstract thing in my head. I never thought it would actually happen, you know?”

His frown deepened. “And the real thing doesn’t measure up?”

I lifted to my elbows, so fast I felt dizzy. “No . . . God, no. It’s not that . . .” I shook my head. “What we did last night, this morning . . . I never imagined it could be like that. It’s never been like that . . .”

The frown vanished and he grinned. Wide.

Cocky bastard.

He brushed my hair back from my face, keeping the strands between his fingers and tugged lightly. “Then what is it?”

I shook my head and glanced away. “Just drop it, would you?”

He stilled, fingers sliding under my chin, holding it, forcing my eyes back to his. “I can’t and I won’t. Something made you uncomfortable. I need to know, so you don’t ever feel that way again.”

I couldn’t leave him hanging now, knowing he thought he’d done something wrong.

He brushed the backs of his fingers down the side of my face, waiting for me to say something. Neco had a short fuse, but he could also be patient when he needed to, especially with me. The crap he’d put up with from me over the last few years was a testament to that. He wasn’t going to drop it, I knew that much. Neco never dropped anything.

I closed my eyes so I didn’t have to look at him. “You and me . . . like this, it’s just going to take some time to sink in. How this all works. I’ve never even been in a real relationship before.” Everything had changed between us so fast. One minute he was pushing me away, and now I was in his bed.

He was quiet for several seconds, deafeningly so. I opened my eyes again, and his eyes had softened.

“I’ve never been in a relationship either.”

“You’ve had girlfriends. I’ve only ever had a few one night stands.”

He shook his head. “Anyone before you . . . they’re nothing. Meant nothing. I don’t remember anything about any of them. This is you and me; what we’ve got is special. We’ll make our own rules and figure it out together.”

A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth. “Okay.”

“But there’s more, yes? I can see it, hear it in your voice.” His gaze slid down to my mouth. “Talk to me.”

“It’s nothing . . .”

His eyes narrowed.

Now I felt like a dick, but there was nothing for it. If I didn’t say it, he’d find a way to get it out of me, he always did.

“Well, you’re just so . . . you’re intense . . . the way you look at me, while you’re . . . moving inside me. I guess I feel a little self-conscious.” I wasn’t going to tell him that the look in his eyes scared me sometimes. That he overwhelmed me. But it was the truth. The way he looked at me was almost fierce.

“The way I look at you, that isn’t going to change.” His fingers slid down the side of my face, cupping my jaw, his green eyes boring into mine, making my belly squirm. “What you’re seeing is the look of a man who knows how fucking lucky he is. A man who knows he doesn’t deserve what he’s got, but is gonna keep that gift anyway.”

Oh my God.

My eyes started stinging. Again. I blinked rapidly, fighting the rush of emotion. I had no reply. Nothing.

He tugged my hair again, obviously seeing how his words had affected me and giving me a break by lightening the moment. “You’ll get used to it.”

I didn’t think he was right. I’d never get used to it. And I realized I didn’t want to. Neco did something to me, got to me like no one else had ever been able to. His edge, the danger, the intensity, was part of that. It was an oxymoron, but that barely leashed part of him that made me a little nervous was also the part of him that made me feel safer than I’d ever felt. Cared for.

Neco kept me on my toes, made me feel like I was home, and gave me a rush of the best high I’d ever had.

He was my drug. A fix like no other. And I had no intention of ever quitting.