Page 20 of Swerve (Boosted Hearts 1)

That couldn’t happen.

I was already fucked in the head over her, having a hard enough time staying away as it was. God, I thought she was bluffing, that quitting her job here was another way to mess with me. I didn’t think that anymore. And truthfully, I was starting to think it had been more wishful thinking on my part. Better that than the reality. Ruby out in the field every day. Putting herself in danger. But that was my reality, wasn’t it? Because something was different about her, I could see it even now. She wasn’t coming back to the King Agency, and I . . . I didn’t know how to deal with that.

I’d also realized something in that elevator—Ruby had been living in denial, she’d still seen me as that boy, her boy, not the monster I was underneath, the monster I’d become when I worked for Tomas.

I knew the moment she saw the real me. I’d seen the unshakable trust between us begin to dissolve before my eyes. She looked at me like she never knew me at all. I’d hated it and felt relief at the same time.

I’d been afraid of her seeing that side of me. Now that she had, I knew she wouldn’t push for anything romantic between us, and not just because of the shit I’d said to her.

She felt like I betrayed her.

The irony was, I’d been the one person she’d trusted when we were kids. And I’d more than likely destroyed that trust, in a way I wasn’t sure I could ever earn back.

It was the right the thing to do.

I needed things to go back to the way they were. I only hoped I hadn’t pushed her too far. I needed Ruby in my life. And I needed to be the one that took care of her.

I ignored the urge to go to her, to apologize, fucking get down on my knees and beg her for forgiveness. Protecting her, in every way, was inbuilt, as natural to me as breathing. Not following that instinct and making sure she was okay after what happened between us was hard as hell.

It’s for the best.

I would never stop being there for her, but it was past time she worked out I wasn’t some goddamn hero. Not even close.

I’d been repeating the same shit over and over in my head the last three nights. I knew I was right. Didn’t make this any easier, though. I just hoped my dick would hurry up and work that shit out.

Or I was utterly fucked.

Hunter turned to me. “I need to go see Raul.” He held up a case file. “Might have a lead for this asshole.”

Raul had been there for Hunter and Van when they were kids, taking on the role of father in their lives when their own had been a violent drunk. He also had good, reliable contacts all over this city.

I dipped my chin and pushed away from the wall. Ruby sat with her head tilted down, loading her stuff into a box, hair forward, concealing those fucking eyes I was getting desperate to see.

Putting some distance between us is the right thing to do. I repeated in my head again.

Didn’t stop me from turning back to look at her as we walked out the door. I couldn’t stop myself.

She still wouldn’t look at me.

A few hours later, I was sat in a booth at Raul’s club, Stilettos. He’d given us the info we needed, but nothing could be done tonight, so Hunter and I, as well as Jude, Zeke, and Van, who had walked in a short time after us, were having a drink and shooting the shit with Raul. Some of the girls offered private dances, tried to climb on some laps. Van shook his head, declining. Jude and Hunter as well. And Zeke gave off such an intense fuck-off vibe, none of the girls went near him.

I, on the other hand, was feeling antsy as fuck, near crawling out of my skin, so when Jayne, one of the girls that worked the bar, told me her shift was over and took my hand, asking if I wanted to go to a private room, I got up and followed her. Jayne and I had fucked around on more than one occasion. She was a nice girl, gave amazing head. And right then I could do with a distraction. I refused to analyze my actions, to think too deeply about what I was doing or why I was doing it. I didn’t want to fucking think. Period.

She shut the door behind us and I sat my ass in the seat. These back rooms got used for all kinds of shit. I should probably scrub the chair my ass was on, but right then I just wanted to get off, wanted to get Ruby out of my goddamn head. Jayne was the kind of woman that knew what she wanted and went after it, in and out of the sack. I admired that about her. No bullshit. No emotions. Just a good time.

My own hypocrisy wasn’t lost on me. The trait I admired in Jayne was the same that made me fucking bat-shit crazy in Ruby.

Because you don’t care about Jayne.

She walked up to me, all fluid and sexy, and I jammed all those fucking thoughts about feelings way down deep before they could take hold.

Her hands went to my knees and she leaned in. “I’ve missed spending time with you.” She slid one of her hands higher. “How about I take care of you first?”

That suited me just fine tonight.

“Sure. On your knees.” My dick stirred behind my zipper when I eyed her dark hair. It was the same almost black of Ruby’s. No streaks of color and a little longer, but still . . .

Fuck.