Page 80 of Best Kept Secret

It was my favorite too, she thought as she pulled out of the parking lot. She was less than a block away when the dam opened and the tears streamed down her face. Once they started, she was helpless to stop them, and so they accompanied her all the way home.

Twenty-Four

Hudson said goodbye to Sonia at the door and then took Annie inside. Sonia had hesitated to leave her with him because he was “obviously shaken up” about Kelsey, but he’d insisted he was fine. He couldn’t face going back into the apartment alone, not after it had been filled with her presence.

He sat on the couch and cradled his daughter in his arms while she gazed up at him adoringly.

“You probably wouldn’t look at me like that if you knew what I did,” he said.

He’d watched Kelsey drive away and felt a huge hole in his chest. He’d wanted so badly to go after her, but he knew it wouldn’t do any good, and it might even make things worse. For now, all he could do was give her some space and pray that she’d forgive him.

He heaved a sigh, and Annie reached for him with her chubby little fist. Unconditional love. There was nothing like it, although what he’d felt for Kelsey had come damn close. If only he hadn’t screwed up.

He’d never forget the hurt look on her face when she’d discovered the truth, and it killed him that he’d been the one who’d put it there. If it weren’t for his stupid mistakes, they’d still be together, but now he might never see her again. He couldn’t fathom it, especially after everything they’d shared.

Annie made a string of nonsensical sounds and looked at him expectantly.

Brushing his thumb across her soft cheek, he said, “I love you, sweet girl.” He’d felt it from the beginning, but he wasn’t sure if he’d spoken the words aloud before.

She gazed up at him, and he swore that she understood them.

“I promise to be a good dad and to always be here for you.”

She flailed her arms.

“Soon I’m going to buy us a house so you can stay overnight with me, okay?”

She babbled some more, and he interpreted it as her express understanding.

“And I promise to protect you from guys like me.”

She tossed her head from side to side like she was disagreeing.

Then he stood up with her and started pacing, wondering what to do. He assumed Kelsey had made it home okay, but he was worried. Even though she’d kept a tight rein on her anger while she was there, he could tell how distraught she was. What if she’d gotten into an accident on the way home? If that happened, he’d never forgive himself.

He took Annie into his bedroom, opened the closet door, and pulled out the bouncy seat he’d stored there. His parents and Emily had gifted it to him after she’d been born, and he’d found it to be invaluable.

He carried it back to the living room, set her down in it, and buckled her in. Then he attached a bar with colorful toys dangling from it that she loved to look at and touch. Once she was happily occupied, he sat down and picked up his phone.

The first thing he saw was the unread text messages from Sonia about dropping Annie off. If only he’d looked at the phone earlier, he might have avoided this mess. Then he could have told Kelsey himself rather than having her find out like she did. He deleted the messages, and then he pulled up her number and pressed the call button. As predicted, she didn’t answer, but he waited for her voicemail message.

“Hi, it’s Kelsey. Sorry I couldn’t answer, but I’ll call you back soon. Have a great day!”

He smiled at the upbeat sound of her voice, although he doubted she wanted him to have a great day. After the beep, he cleared his throat and started talking, but he hadn’t prepared what he wanted to say, and it showed.

“Hey, it’s Hudson. I just wanted to make sure you made it home okay. Not that you’re a bad driver, because you’re not.” Awkward pause. “I didn’t expect you to answer, but I wish you did because I really want to talk to you. I’m so sorry, Kels.” Then, because his throat felt too tight to continue, he hung up without saying goodbye.

Since Annie was still content in her bouncy seat, he went into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. He chugged it down and poured another glass. Then he went back into the living room and picked up the phone again.

He wasn’t trying to make a pest of himself, but he felt compelled to call her again, so he did.

“Hey, it’s me again. Please don’t hang up, although, how would I ever know if you did? I feel like such an ass.” Annie made a loud squawk, almost like she was scolding him for swearing or agreeing with his self-assessment. “That was Annie.” Like Kelsey wouldn’t know. “Anyway, I miss you, and I wish you were here with us. Call me if you want to talk, or even if you just want to yell at me. That would be better than not hearing from you at all, and besides, I deserve it.”

He hung up again and stared at the phone, wishing she’d call back. She hadn’t turned off her phone, so that was a good sign, right? He had to believe it was.

He glanced down at the bouncy seat and saw Annie was getting restless. He spent the next hour feeding, changing, and then rocking her to sleep, which turned out to be a good distraction.

All too soon, Sonia returned to pick her up. “I’m sorry about what happened with Kelsey,” she said as she gathered Annie’s things.