Page 48 of Forever Dead

“Okay.”

She ended the call before the lecture could continue.

The room felt smaller after the call.

Selena set the phone beside her and studied the taped notes on the mirror. She should have gone for her walk twenty minutes earlier. Her physical therapist wanted her increasing the distance every day and had been inflexible about the schedule.

Instead, she picked up Eleanor’s photograph again.

Her name stared back at Selena like a tombstone of memories.

Selena had been thirteen. Her mother had already started treatment, and the house had changed around the illness. Medication bottles appeared beside the kitchen sink. Appointments were written on the calendar in her father’s handwriting. Conversations stopped when Selena entered rooms because both parents believed they were protecting her.

Diane had reacted differently. She began filling whatever gaps their mother left on the bad days, helping around the house and stepping in whenever their father became overwhelmed. Selena had been too frightened by what was happening to notice how much her sister was carrying.

Miss Marsh began visiting on Wednesday afternoons.

Officially, she came to make sure Selena stayed caught up with schoolwork when things at home became difficult.

Selena had understood the real reason by the third visit.

That afternoon, they had ended up behind the house near the old fence where Selena used to sit when she wanted to be alone. Late sunlight lay across the grass. Her schoolbooks were stacked unopened beside her.

Miss Marsh sat on the low garden wall.

Selena tried to explain why she had not completed an English assignment and made it halfway through before tears came.

“I don’t know what to do,” Selena said.

Miss Marsh stayed quiet.

Selena wiped her cheeks angrily. “Dad will fall apart if we lose her.”

“Come here.”

Miss Marsh opened her arms.

Selena stepped into them and held on. She had spent weeks trying not to cry around her father. Crying made him frightened, and his fear made hers worse. With Miss Marsh, she did not have to protect anyone.

After a while, Eleanor eased back and kept both hands on Selena’s shoulders.

“All we can do is focus on the things we can control.”

“That’s not much.”

“No,” Miss Marsh said. “Sometimes it isn’t.”

Selena stared toward the fence.

Eleanor waited, then asked, “What do you want to be?”

Selena sniffed and gave a small shrug. “What?”

“When you’re older. What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know.”

“That’s all right.”