Page 56 of Shifted Desire

It doesn’t matter how much relief it gives me. It needs to stop. The guilt is too strong. The risk of everything blowing up in my face and ending up with truly nothing and no one in my life, too high.

As I run on my treadmill, pushing my body to the limits, my wolf snarls in anger, but I can’t listen to it, no matter how much it protests. I have to stay in control before I destroy everything.

21

Something is off with Nathan.

I chalked it up to being drained after the full moon, but the malaise and lack of engagement with me have gone on for over a week. He barely gives me a cursory look when I come into his office to bring him coffee or provide updates on the various tasks I’m in charge of. I’ve tried a few times now to make suggestive comments or draw his attention to my tits and ass, but he ignores them. His energy is still hungry, but it’s tinged with sourness and distaste, which I can’t stand.

Something changed, and it’s driving me crazy.

The lack of sex with Nathan means I’m less energetic and forced to go to bars after work to find lackluster hookups. I got spoiled by fucking and feeding my succubus side at work. Beyond that, I can’t help worrying that the lack of interest from Nathan is the death knell for my job as his assistant.

Why would he keep me around if he’s not getting that added benefit? Why would he want to see me every day if I’m making him uncomfortable?

Sure, I’m a great assistant, but I’m not the only one out there in the city. Nathan could get rid of me and find someone else no problem, and save the company a ton of money in the process.

On top of those more practical reasons, I’m more than a little insulted. To go from having a powerful man salivating over me every moment we’re together, the air buzzing with his barely restrained lust, to only cursory interactions is a huge ego blow. I’m part-succubus. It shouldn’t be so easy to flip a switch in his brain and forget about me.

Maybe he didn’t think the sex was as good as I did.

Maybe I’ve been too pushy and needy.

Maybe I’m too annoying. Too snarky. Too much.

It’s not like this hasn’t happened to me before. Once the initial thrill of being with me wears off, or the thrill of pursuing me ends when I give someone what they’re seeking from me, my value to them plummets.

I guess I should’ve made myself less available to him. Played harder to get to make this last longer.

Hells, I want to smack myself for all these needy, insecure thoughts. I’m making it sound like we were in a relationship instead of a no-strings-attached sexual arrangement. Nathan not wanting to fuck me anymore is not a reflection on me or my worth. It’s his loss.

So why am I still sitting here at my desk, staring at the same document for the last twenty minutes, stewing about the werewolf in his office a few feet away? If I don’t get my shit together, then he really will fire me.

It only takes a few more days until I break.

I tried to be good and focus on work, but the ratcheting tension between us and lack of explanation for why Nathan’s avoiding me like the plague drove me to drastic measures.

I forced him to pay attention to me, and it backfired spectacularly.

Gods, I’m such an idiot.

My cheeks burn with embarrassment as I lean against the bathroom counter and dab my pulse points with water. I ran in here to escape my utter mortification and to hide so Nathan can’t immediately fire my ass.

What the hell was I thinking?

Clearly, I wasn’t, or I wouldn’t have bent over his desk and flashed him my bare pussy and ass and told him to teach me a lesson for my mistakes on a contract I typed up for him.

I groan and shut my eyes, trying to block out the look of distaste on his face to no avail.

I don’t have time for you to fuck around, Samantha. Do your damn job.

It’s the first time he’s ever shown me the full force of his cold business demeanor he’s infamous for, according to others in the office. If I weren’t so humiliated in an unfun way, it would’ve been hot.

This is what I get for letting myself look at apartments and start planning for when I could reasonably move out without provoking suspicion from my parents. I shouldn’t have let myself get excited about having a job I like and financial stability, because I know better.

Whenever things are going too well, that’s when it’s sure to come crashing down and remind me that I don’t get to have nice things.

I learned that for romantic relationships, so you’d think I’d be able to apply it to other situations, but I guess not.