Page 65 of Breached

“I think so, too,” Savannah added as she and Mia headed after Cat. John and Sloane slipped out while the staff came in to clear the table.

Mike pulled my attention, asking me about Chase, and when I looked back to find Nicole, she was gone. She must have slipped away, knowing I’d press her more about what happened between her and Bash.

I took the moment to head up to my bedroom and do the one thing I wasn’t sure how to do—make my contingency recording for Chase.

I paced the room for a moment, removing my cap, then placing it back on. I wondered if I should change into my fatigues, but what would be the point? I rubbed my face—really, I was just stalling at that point.

Propping the camera up on the dresser, I sat on a chair at the foot of the bed and scratched my arm, staring at the red blinking light.

“Hi, Chase.” I felt stupid. I couldn’t imagine ever having to do one of these. I’d purposely kept my family at arm’s length for as long as I could remember, but this time it was different. “I’m not good at this, so I’m going to give it to you straight. I wish I could say you’ve got blood aunts and uncles and grandparents who love you, but I can’t. You do have relatives, but you don’t want to be around them.” I licked my lips and knew I needed to explain better. “Look, son, they aren’t good people. They won’t be good for you, but what you do have is a huge family right here at Shadows. They loved you before they even knew you. They’re all you need out of life.” I nodded, that was better. I took a breath and continued, a little more certain. I smiled at the camera.

“Your birth mom and me—well, we met under a unique circumstance. Short story is, I went undercover to gain intel on the Cartel and fell for the daughter of a Cartel family I was watching. Things happen we can’t always control. I loved her, I truly did, but we could never be together. She never knew who I really was.” I heard a catch in my voice and cleared it. “We didn’t mean to get pregnant, but I’m sure glad we did, because now I have you.

“Sadly, your mom didn’t make it in this world, but you were lucky enough to have another woman come into your life who loves you. She took to you like you were her own, even before I did. You two instantly bonded, and she got you to safety when I wasn’t able to. She’s the real hero of your story, Chase, so don’t let her ever tell you otherwise. Your mama, as you call her, is the sweetest woman I’ve ever met, but she’s also strong-willed, puts me right in my place.” I chuckled. “When I had to tell her my deepest, darkest secret, she still forgave me.” I paused when I realized my eyes were tearing up and got hold of myself.

“You might carry the blood of a Cartel family, Chase, but don’t ever let that cloud your head about who you are. You’re going to be a good person, and fight for the good in the world just like your father and your mama. Follow in our footsteps if you can. But if you don’t, that’s okay too. It doesn’t matter—just, please always pick good over evil.” I paused to suck in a deep breath. I had to end this.

“I’d dreamed of having a son one day, Chase, but never thought I was worthy of having one. Somehow, I was blessed with one anyway, so if I make it through this fight, I plan on doing everything I can to make sure that you and your mama know just how much I love you both.” I swallowed hard. “But if I don’t, if things go bad, know I want you to listen to these words, because I mean them. I love you and your mama, so very much. Please remember that.” I cleared my throat and shifted forward on the seat. “I need you to do one last thing for me, Chase. Can you take care of your mama for me? She needs you just as much as you need her. Bye, buddy.” I hit the button and felt my stomach bottom out. I only hoped my son would never have to watch this video.

FIFTEEN

NICOLE

Ipressed my back flat against the wall while tears burned hot, heavy paths down my cheeks as I listened to Paul speak into the camera. I hadn’t meant to eavesdrop. I had decided to seek him out and put his mind at ease about what had happened with Dr. Bash. He had enough on his mind without that. When I heard him say hi to Chase, I stopped, and when I realized what he was doing, it struck me like an electric shot to the heart.

Suddenly, Paul stepped out, and his eyes widened and met mine, and we simply locked gazes—frozen in the moment. Then he tipped his head back to look up at the ceiling and mouthed something before he closed the gap between us and wrapped me in his arms. In a soft but assertive voice, he said, “How much did you hear?”

“Everything,” I whispered, and he gave a tight nod as he stepped back a little. I placed my hand on his stomach and flexed my fingers against the grooves of his muscles, feeling the heat from his body warm mine. “I verbally dumped to Dr. Bash about who you and Chase were, how I felt about everything.” I kept my gaze on my fingers as I spoke. “Then, a few seconds later, he walked out on me. I think I broke him.”

Paul let out a breath. “He walked out on your session?”

“Yes. I couldn’t believe it. He just got up and left. Then Dr. Roberts fired him. Apparently, it had something to do with Bash’s ex-fiancée. I guess she lied to him, and something I said must have triggered him. Regardless, I don’t blame Doc Roberts, that was incredibly unprofessional.” I put my hand on my stomach as I spoke.

“And here I thought he hit on you.” He shook his head.

“He liked me,” I admitted, moving my hand a little higher, “but I made it clear it wasn’t reciprocated.” I snuck a glance at his face and saw he wore a scowl.

“Then why did you choose him for your session?”

“Because he—” I hesitated.

“He what?”

“He was the only one in the house who had never lied to me,” I said bluntly. I felt his body get tight. “That’s in the past now,” I reassured him. “I don’t want anything more between us. Your raw honesty and what you said to Chase on that video,” I looked up at him, “that moved me deeply. It shifted something back into place for me.” He lowered his head and brushed his lips against my ear, sparking more heat to race through me. “I’m sorry for eavesdropping. That wasn’t my intent, but…”

“But?”

“I feel lost on how to navigate us anymore, how to get back to where we were⁠—”

He swooped down and caught my lips and tightened his arms around my back to press us tighter together.

“Let me help,” he said into my mouth. I wanted him as much as he wanted me. “Wait,” he pulled back and held my face in his hands, “I need to hear you say it, Nicole.”

“I want this.” My body craved his as I tugged at his shirt.

“No,” he smiled, clearly happy I said that too, “the other thing.”

Oh! I knew what he wanted, and I felt a tiny ping hit my heart. I also knew over time it would go away. I understood that Paul had never asked for what happened to him. He could never have known how deeply his life would be affected when he agreed to go undercover as Eric Noah. He thought he was doing the right thing for his brothers, and I knew how badly he had suffered because of it.