Page 92 of Wicked Games

Violet and Walker join us, and I introduce Avery to Walker. The polite chitchat while everyone gossips around us grates on my nerves. Avery feels the tension and tangles our fingers, the ring on her left hand calming my heart.

Vale steps into the church, and conversation stops. I stiffen, wondering what he’ll think of Avery being here, but from across the foyer he only meets my eyes, takes in her standing beside me, and then moves on, people fighting for his attention.

As a group, we walk into the sanctuary, and the sight of Brooke’s casket covered in flowers and the elegant portrait of her sitting on a golden easel next to it knocks the breath out of me. Avery tightens her fingers, and I’m grateful for the permission she gave me outside the church. Tears fill my eyes. Remorse, shame, and grief. No, Brooke didn’t ask for this, and the blame will always belong to me.

I loved her, but not enough, and it’s my fault she’s dead. If I had been a better husband, Vale never would have been able to lure her away. Never would have tagged her as an easy lay, as LaSalle so crassly called her, because she would’ve been secure in our marriage. Instead, he knew how unhappy she was, and he preyed on it.

We sit near the middle on the right side of the room, and by the time everyone has found a place, it’s standing room only. Maybe some people are here to watch the fireworks between Vale and me, but Brooke was loved and respected. Even if the youth community center was only a part of Vale’s scheme, it filled a need others had neglected to do anything about, and he and Brooke were admired for stepping up. It was something I should have done with her, long before this. My wealth has given me privileges, privileges that I’ve never used. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I never looked outside my little bubble and didn’t think to. It took my son’s death to realize how short-sighted and selfish that was.

The service starts, and the pastor goes into the same nonsense I had to listen to when Theo was killed. That God has a plan and this is part of it. To rejoice in the knowledge that she’s now in His arms and she wouldn’t want us to waste our lives mourning her. It’s not that I don’t believe the things she’s saying, but I would have believed them more if Brooke had died of old age, or even something like cancer. Knowing Vale had her killed so he could have access to my money turns the pastor’s words into trite clichés. She’d still be alive if God hadn’t failed her. If I hadn’t failed her.

The program lists Vale as the only speaker, but a childhood friend of Brooke’s sings a hymn before he does. We sit through the song, and sweat trickles down my back. Avery shifts on the unpadded pew, and my mother fans the cream-colored program in front of her face. My father stares at his lap, and Violet and Walker listen to the singer, blank expressions on their faces. It’s warm in here, people packed in the sanctuary, and the air is stifling.

There’s not a person in this building who doesn’t know Brooke was murdered, but no one except us knows the man standing behind the pulpit preparing to speak was the one who did it.

“It’s not a secret that when Brooke and I met . . . she was already married. There’s no point in trying to downplay that. We tried to deny our growing feelings for each other, but like anyone who has ever fallen in love can tell you, it’s not easy to do.”

I squeeze Avery’s hand. I thank any god who’s watching over this service that she squeezes back.

“What do you do when your soulmate belongs to someone else?” Vale continues, the perfect picture of grief, sorrow saturating his voice. “When she’s given another man a child and a home? She spent her days with me, her nights in another man’s bed, and maybe this isn’t appropriate talk in a church, while God’s listening, but every minute we weren’t together turned into my own personal hell. Then her little boy was taken and murdered and it was shoved in our faces just how short our time on this earth really is. She did the hard part. She followed her heart, and we began what I thought was going to be a life full of, I can’t say happiness, because just four short months ago we were doing this exact thing for her son. So, no, I can’t say we were beginning a life full of happiness, but we were together, and that meant more to me than I could ever explain to anyone.

“Brooke was kind, generous, and compassionate. She didn’t deserve the pain she suffered the last four months of her life. She didn’t deserve to be killed and left like trash in a parking lot. She was the love of my life, and I never got the chance to show her how much I loved her.” He pauses and clears his throat. “Brooke is leaving behind many people who loved and cared about her.”

At this, I search the front of the sanctuary for Brooke’s parents. They didn’t try to talk to me before the service, but her mother meets my eyes now, full of pain and tears. She lost her daughter and grandson in just four short months, and I could say I don’t understand what she’s going through, but of course I do. Her loss is mine, but whether she blames me like I blame myself, I don’t know. I liked her parents. They never asked me to buy them anything, though after Brooke and I were married, I bought them a nicer house and new vehicles. They weren’t poor, a middle-class family who had a meagre savings and a modest home in an older part of Ashfield, but it’s what a husband who has the means does for his in-laws. She nods and turns back to Vale who’s closing his eulogy.

“Some will say we’re getting what we deserve because of how we met and how we fell in love, and maybe that’s true. Maybe it is. But I know my life will never be the same without her, and if God is punishing me, then I will gladly tolerate it because I would do the same all over again.”

With his shoulders shaking, he takes his seat next to Brooke’s parents and her brother. Corey and I weren’t close, but we were more than acquaintances. He never believed Violet and I had anything going on behind Brooke’s back, as he, too, was part of a group of friends, several of them female. I appreciated his support because it gave me an excuse to keep Violet in my life in a way that she shouldn’t have been, not when Brooke was openly asking for more of my time. Corey’s married now, and I wonder if Brooke’s leaving me forced him to acknowledge his own friendships.

Brooke’s family is the first to walk out of the sanctuary, and we file out row by row. We avoid the receiving line—I have nothing to say to Vale or to Brooke’s family—and we stand on the sidewalk outside, an oppressive heat and humidity weighing us down. My mom and dad say they’re going home. They’ve done their duty toward a woman who gave me a child but left me for another man, and there’s no other reason to stay.

I watch them go, my father’s hands at his sides, too many years gone by to show his wife any affection. I’d be curious to know if my father even still loves my mother, or if he sees his marriage certificate as a shackle he can’t unlock rather than a promise of love and devotion.

I wonder how Avery feels, her parents still married, if I remember correctly, after Darren leaving her and our hurried courtship. If she’s placed an expiration date on our relationship. I’m sure she thinks about it often, the precariousness of love and marriage, and that it’s inevitable one day I’ll come home and tell her that I’m in love with Violet after all but we didn’t want to admit it. It’s not true, because if there was something between us, we would have acted on it a long time ago, but still, doubts like that can linger in the corners of our hearts, even if we don’t realize it.

The pallbearers carry Brooke’s casket to the hearse parked in front of the church, and Violet murmurs, “We’ll meet you at the cemetery?”

“Yeah, we’ll be there. After that, you two can come back to Avery’s apartment, if you want.” I look at her to make sure that what we talked about is still okay.

“It wouldn’t be any trouble,” she says. “There’s still plenty of food.”

“We’ll need to head in to work, but before you drive back out to Lakehaven Falls, we can meet up for dinner.”

“That sounds good. Avery and I haven’t talked about when we will. If we will. I don’t know where she’ll be safe.”

Violet nods and Walker places a protective arm around her. “We’ll see you there,” she says.

“Yeah.”

The cemetery is a half an hour out of Ashfield, and the streets are jammed.

“Rowan didn’t give anything away, did he?” Avery asks as I slide through a yellow light. Getting to the cemetery won’t make this end any faster, but my skin itches. I want this all to be done.

“Nothing. I’m worried, Avery. He might not have kept to himself, but that doesn’t mean he’ll leave you alone.”

“He won’t, not if he thinks Hattie told me something that could put him in prison, but that’s what we wanted, isn’t it? For him to mess up. If he comes after me again, we’ll have proof.”

“You’re not bait.” I clench my jaw.