Page 27 of Wicked Games

“I want you hard, okay, Avery?” he asks through gritted teeth.

“Yeah. It’s good,” I say, grateful for the warning.

He slams into me, his balls slapping against my skin. It doesn’t take much for him to come, and he shudders, his grip on my hips hurting, though I would never tell him that. His cum is hot and thick, and I like that too, no hopes for the sperm he’s shooting inside me. I won’t have to lie with a pillow under my butt after we’re done. I can stand up and let it run right out of me and no one will care. Well, I might care, just a little. There’s a future there I’ll never have, but I’ll be fine without it. I just need to let go of the expectations because they were Darren’s, not mine.

Slowly, he pulls out, and it stings a bit, the friction. He rubs my back and settles down next to me, and I lower my bottom half to lie on my stomach, the pillow under my head.

“Did I hurt you at all?”

“Just a little, but I liked it.”

“Tell me if I ever go too far. If I hurt you in a bad way, I still want it to be good. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah, but you’d have to hurt me pretty badly for it not to feel good. Was it good for you too?”

“Feeling how wet I make you is going to be the highlight of my summer.” He leans closer and turns my head just enough to kiss me. “Will you keep it if I get you pregnant?”

“Sure, but you’re not going to. Darren and I had unprotected sex for fifteen years. He left me because he got his teaching assistant pregnant and he wanted to be with her. Trust me, if I could get pregnant, I would have.”

He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. “Okay. I do trust you, but shit happens. If you get pregnant, I’ll help you out, but I don’t know how big of a part I’d want to be. I’m not ready right now. Theo’s only been gone for four months.”

I lay my hand on his cheek and his whiskers scratch at my skin. “Seth, I wouldn’t do that to you. If I had even the slightest thought I could get pregnant, I would’ve asked you to wear a condom. I know you’re not ready. Just like if you asked me to marry you, I’d say no. I understand.”

He sighs. “Getting married sounds a hell of a lot easier than having a baby.”

“Then maybe Brooke didn’t hurt you as badly as you think.” I crawl on top of him and whisper a kiss over his lips. “I’m still hungry.”

He holds my face between his hands. “What can I do?”

“Make me dinner.”

“I have a couple of steaks in the fridge. Will that work?”

“That sounds perfect.” I move to get up, but he stops me.

“Avery.”

He doesn’t want reassurances that he won’t get me pregnant. He’s not asking me to do anything, or even say anything. He’s thanking me for accepting his apology and he only said what he said because he’s scared of what we’re doing. I’m scared too, but I’m alone for the first time in fifteen years. I’m scared of everything.

“It’s okay. I’m a broke writer, but I don’t want your money and I’m not in your bed for that. I’m happy doing what I’m doing or I wouldn’t be doing it.”

He rolls and reverses our positions, and I wiggle beneath him, liking the feel of him on top of me. “We’re in your bed, and you’re a very good broke writer.”

I nip at the skin of his neck. “I’m good at a lot of things.”

“Show me.”

I do, and it’s close to midnight by the time we eat.

He holds my hand as we walk across the grass, the stars twinkling, the moon bright. The crickets are loud, but a light breeze keeps the mosquitoes away. I dressed in yoga pants, tank top, and a cardigan in case I get chilly. It would be nice if we ate on his patio, but I don’t know if he’s the kind of guy who likes to do something like that. Darren didn’t mind eating outside, not scared of the bees that wanted a taste of his orange juice. I sigh. I have to stop thinking about him. We had a lot of good parts to our marriage, but in the end, the bad outweighed the good and now everything is gone.

“Tired?” Seth asks, leading me up his patio steps. “You didn’t sleep while I was.”

“No, I got enough sleep to last me a while.”

He presses me against the French doors. “I’m sorry. I’m glad you’re okay.”

“It wasn’t just you, Seth. It’s all of it.”