Page 29 of Guarding the Star

Paula blinks, caught off guard.

“Pola!” Wesley repeats, thrilled with his discovery.

“Hey, boss,” Paula says, offering her hand, though Wes just grabs one finger and pulls.

***

The days that follow shift a little. I can't pinpoint when it starts. Or how. But I'm sure something has changed.

When she drives me to practice, we talk. Nothing important. Soccer, Wesley, the girls on the team, the songs we play in the locker room. Everything and nothing, but the thing is, we talk. Before, she drove in silence most of the time.

We still haven't had the conversation we should be having, but things are moving. Or at least, that's what I want to believe.

***

On Friday, Tina screws up.

I hear about it from Zoe in the locker room.

“Tina went out last night. With fans. Posted photos on Instagram. Showed up to practice with a brutal hangover, and Hades is furious,” she tells me, voice down to a whisper.

“Shit.”

“Yeah, that's what I said. Hades tore her apart. Biggest chewing-out I've seen all year.”

“Where is she?”

“In the auxiliary locker room. Crying.”

I find her sitting on the bench in the small locker room. Red eyes, messy hair. A bottle of water in her hand she hasn't even opened.

I sit next to her and wait. Don't say a word.

“I know,” she says, staring at the floor. “I know, okay? You don't need to come in here and yell at me too. I've already had enough with Hades and the looks from half the team, which is even worse. Besides, you're not exactly in a position to lecture me about partying before practice,” she adds.

“I'm not here to yell at you.”

“Then why are you here?”

“To see how you're doing.”

“I'm terrible. I showed up late. I showed up half-drunk. I disrespected the team,” she swallows. “But you do it all the time, and nothing happens.”

The words hit me like a knife.

You do it all the time, and nothing happens.

I don't know what to say. I look at my hands. My sneakers. The locker room floor.

Tina didn't say it to hurt me. She just told the truth. The simplest, most obvious truth. Iris Vance shows up late, goes out partying, and nothing much happens. Tina does it once and gets the worst chewing-out of the year. And the difference isn't that I'm better. The difference is I score over twenty goals a season and that buys me credit I don't deserve.

“You're right,” I sigh.

Tina looks at me. Stunned.

“What?”

“You're right. I do it all the time. And yes, something does happen. Of course something happens. Every time I show up late, deep down, I'm telling everyone on this team that my fun matters more than they do. Every time I post a drunk photo, I'm handing ammunition to the people who want to tear us down. And you see it and you think it's okay, but it's not okay, Tina. Not when I do it, and not when you do it.”