Page 29 of The Golden Receiver

I needed to talk to him.

I groaned. This shower was not helping. It wasn’t helping me clear my mind. It wasn’t helping to wash Kieran from my thoughts. I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. If I was going to obsess over this, I could do it better in my bed. At least then I wouldn’t have to worry about my roommates needing to use the shower or running out of hot water. I got changed quickly and made my way back to my room.

Unfortunately, my room had a different thing to occupy my mind: my phone.

I knew that Kieran’s phone number was right there. I could text him. I could try to talk to him. I could suggest we meet downstairs and talk about our hookup. There were so many things I could do with the phone. None of the ideas were good though. Hadn’t I already learned that Kieran wouldn’t talk if he didn’t want to. He was a master of the silent treatment.

Maybe I should just give it the night. He couldn’t avoid me tomorrow.

We had a game to play.

Football games always drew a crowd at Creelin, especially when we played Shuford. It was another all-monster university and one of our biggest rivals. The fact that the first home game of the season was against Shuford meant that every seat in the stadium was filled. There was a sea of fans wearing the Creelin orange, and okay, there were also some Shuford fans that had traveled for the game. But honestly, who cared about them? They were just there to provide some noise.

Our defense went out first, and I watched from the bench, eager to get out there and prove myself. Kieran was sitting a few people down from me. I could smell that sour thing again, blending badly into his natural smell. It wafted down the bench, and I was pretty sure I knew what it was now. Anxiety.

I’d made him anxious after we kissed, and he was anxious again. I just hoped it was about the game and not what happened between us the day before. Which I was not supposed to be thinking about right now. Right now, I was supposed to be focusing on the game. I was supposed to be watching as our defense attempted to stop the Shuford offense.

Unsuccessfully.

The Shuford team made it down the field in just a few drives. They scored an easy touchdown. That was fine. It was just the first few minutes of the first quarter. As soon as our offense got on the field, we’d be able to show them what Creelin could really do.

Okay, so really, I just didn’t want to screw up my first game as a starter. If I ruined things, I might get benched. There were other players who were chomping at the bit to take over my position. I glanced down the bench, and my stomach dropped. I knew one person who would be eager to take my place if I messed up. Would that finally be enough for him? Being wide receiver one? Making sure that he was the first read and got more targets than anyone else? Would it be enough to look out from the field and see me sitting on the bench, hoping to get another turn?

I was not going to let that happen.

I had earned my position on the depth chart, the same as Kieran had. I wasn’t going to mess it up, and I wasn’t going to let him be the reason that I did.

I put on my helmet and joined the rest of the offense, running onto the field to line up. I took my place on the line and listened to Eric call out the play we were going to be running. I saw one of our tight ends run behind me, taking a different position to match the play Eric had just called. I drew in a deep breath just as the center snapped the ball.

Then I took off.

The play called meant that I should get the ball. I dodged one of Shuford’s defenders. There was another one on my tail. This was my moment. I stole a quick glance over my shoulder and saw the ball spiraling toward me.

I jumped up to catch the ball.

My fingers closed around it just as I got hit hard around the middle. I hit the ground harder, and the ball tumbled from my hand. I heard the sounds of the crowd around me, and I caught a familiar scent. Kieran. He was close enough that he could have blocked that defender, but he didn’t. Anger rushed through me. What happened to being a team player?

Oh, right, Kieran didn’t know how to do that. He was too focused on his own stats and his own accomplishments. Maybe he thought it would look better for him if I had a bad game or took a bad tackle. Consider my hackles officially raised. It took everything in me not to growl at him as I passed him on the way back to the line of scrimmage.

Our second and third snaps didn’t go any better. He was targeted on our second snap, and I slowed down a little to let him get a taste of his own medicine. On our third snap, we ended up almost running into one another. Which led to an interception. We went off the field to a very irate Coach Shaw. Luckily, our defense was able to stop their offense from turning that interception into a score, and we were able to score on our second possession. And by we, I meant Wes.

At halftime, we were up by one score. Neither Kieran nor I had made a single touchdown. We’d barely contributed anything. Coach Shaw called us out for it during his halftime pep talk, which did not feel like a pep talk to me. Instead, it felt like I was being scolded like a child. Maybe I deserved it. I was playing selfishly. I swore I’d do better in the second half.

That promise was broken on our third possession of the half. We were about halfway through the third quarter. The ball was thrown perfectly. Both Kieran and I were open. We were also both directly in the path of the ball. One of us should have called for it. One of us should have backed up or blocked the defender that was also charging toward us. Instead, we both jumped for the ball. I managed to pull it into my body, but because he was right underneath me, I wasn’t able to get any breakaway distance.

At least this time, I held onto the ball when I hit the ground.

At least he had the good graces not to look smug about it.

He didn’t offer a hand down to me, and I wasn’t sure I would have taken it either. I was pissed that he was playing so selfishly.

The rest of the game was a series of unfortunate mistakes. Luckily, the rest of the team was still playing well. They were able to make up for all the mistakes Kieran and I were making. We won our first game by ten points, but I knew it should have been more. I felt defeated as we went back to the locker room. My head was hung in shame as I showered and changed. I felt like everyone was looking at me and blaming me for how bad the game had gone.

It was not the way my first game as a starter should have gone.

I was dreading Coach Shaw’s post-game speech, and by the end of it, I knew I was right to dread it. Not because he said anything bad during the game, but because he ended it with some terrifyingly ominous words. “Hemmings, Sawyer, stay behind.”

I swallowed hard and nodded. I didn’t even bother looking over at Kieran. For once, I did not want to be around him. Part of this, a big part, was his fault. He’d played selfishly, and it had rubbed off on me. Unfortunately, I couldn’t avoid him if we were both going to be made to stay back.