Page 41 of Knot Your Pawn

Finally.

This is what I needed. All my mates together, just us and nobody else.

Finally, I start to doze off. Too tired, exhausted, not enough energy to deal with the world right now.

My pack.

My family.

Mine.

3

Mathew

My head is hazy. It makes it hard to think or do anything. The only concrete thought going through my mind right now is that I need Vera and the rest of my pack, I need all of them with me, and nobody else.

It’s scary how desperately I crave them.

I’ve never felt this desperate or needy before. And I guess I’m glad that it’s all so blurry in my head, because I don’t know how I’d have reacted to these sensations if I had a clear head. I’m used to being in control, the one pulling the strings, not the one who acts only on instinct and need.

And right now, instinct and need are all I have.

When we left Erika and her pack back at the houses, Jorge told me that Vera wasn’t doing too well and that Caleb was carrying her home because going by car didn’t seem like the best idea. He said that we’d meet them back here.

But, of course, we arrived well before them, and when I tried to go into the house, get everything ready so that Vera could immediately fall asleep in our nest, something weird happened.

The moment I smelled the pheromones of anyone but my mates, a growl would build in my chest, and my body started acting strangely. I would get alert, but also recoil as much as possible, my body going into protective mode.

I couldn’t be near anyone else, which meant that —with so many other people in the house— I couldn’t get to our nest either.

Since there were still people working at the house and moving between there and the training complex, we couldn’t stay and wait for Vera and Caleb.

Instead, we went to the garden adjacent to my office, since nobody but us usually comes there.

As we were walking, every sliver of pheromones that didn’t come from my mates would set my body on edge, would make me growl, would make me grab for Jorge, Riley or Luca.

If my mind hadn’t been so resolutely focused on needing to be with my mates and how to make that happen as quickly as possible, I might have been mortified by how I was acting. It was so far outside of my normal it was scary.

I have a vague memory of Riley taking a knife from my fingers as she tried to soothe me, because I’d caught the scent of Eli when we walked around Derrick’s pack’s house. I now realise that Riley was trying to make sure Luca didn’t see the knife, that we wouldn’t scare him even more than we already were, but I don’t think it really worked. I’m pretty sure he saw exactly what happened.

Feeling this out of it, feeling this unlike my usual self, it’s scary. It’s scary how desperately I needed to be with my mates, how much I needed them and wanted them.

How distressed I was that I didn’t have my whole pack with me.

Is this normal for Omegas?

Is it normal to feel so desperate and unsettled if you can’t be near your mates?

Is it normal to not be able to stand the outside world and only want your mates around?

Because I hate it.

I hate feeling so lost and vulnerable.

I hate feeling like the world is falling apart when my mates aren’t with me.

I’ve always been independent. I’ve always been strong. I’ve always been able to take care of myself, not needing help from anyone else.