Page 74 of Search for the Lost

And at that exact point, as one particularly violent lurch nearly toppled Leo off his feet, he realized that enforced silence wasn’t the Bad Things list-topper. No, that honor went to the fact that he’d apparently… subsumed the former king. Who was also Leo, somehow, albeit an epically bad version of him. And was also Crispin’s mom’s consort?

Oh gods. Ew. Ew. Because that meant that, technically, Leo had been—in effect and through circumstances entirely beyond his control—sleeping with his boyfriend’s mother.

If his mouth hadn’t been magically sealed, he might have needed to borrow Dietrich’s vomit bowl.

He was still trying to understand what all of this meant—this new life where none of the rules seemed to make any sense—when the hut halted. It happened so suddenly that this time he actually did fall, although he fell on Dweezil, who was relatively soft and didn’t seem to mind, responding with a long sloppy lick of Leo’s cheek.

“Take us to a mirror,” Crispin commanded Dietrich.

“As long as you promise that I never have to ride in this… this horror again. I beg you.”

“No more chicken-leg huts for you,” promised Crispin. And then he took Leo’s hand and squeezed it and whispered in his ear. “You’re holding up well. So few people of any species would manage such turmoil with such aplomb. I’m so proud of you.” He kissed Leo’s cheek.

Leo wondered what, exactly, aplomb was. It sounded like a fruit, maybe, or a kind of flower. Or something that might explode if you didn’t hold it really really gently. Well, he could look it up later.

The hut lowered itself so they could exit. Crispin and Leo gave it little pats as they walked out the door. The entire party then marched into Koniglichen Titten, which was crowded and noisy.

Everyone inside froze and went silent, mouths open in shock. Leo found this gratifying. It was like something from a really cool action movie.

A long bar lined one wall of the main room. It was made of dark wood, ornately carved and so heavily polished that it could probably have served as a mirror. But there was an actual mirror on the wall behind the bar, surrounded by shelves full of bottled liquors. With the audience watching closely, Crispin led Leo, Aspin, Cypher, Minkis, and the WOLFs behind the bar and faced the mirror. He held Thea up and was about to say something, but Leo poked him hard in the arm and gestured at the WOLFs.

“What is it?” Crispin sounded slightly irritated.

Leo gestured again, more theatrically, and tried to convey his meaning with his eyes alone, like an ingenue in a silent movie.

“Yes, Leo, Thea can transport all of us. She’s very powerful. Now, just let me⁠—”

Leo poked him again while shaking his head very firmly. “Mfff,” he said, but that wasn’t helpful. He thought for a moment before inspiration arrived. First he pointed at Crispin, then drew a big question mark in the air with one finger, and then pointed at the WOLFs. He waited, eyebrows raised, thinking about all the things he would like to do to those Red Dukes guys, whoever they were.

At first, Crispin stood, mouth pursed. But then a lightbulb must have flashed in his mind and his eyes lit up. “Oh! You wish me to ask the WOLFs something. But what?”

That led to a flurry of hand movements on Leo’s part, none of which were clear enough to spark that lightbulb again. Stamping his feet didn’t add anything and, unfortunately, didn’t even make him feel better. Having a silent audience didn’t help, especially when half of them seemed to be laughing quietly at his expense.

“I’m sorry, Leo,” said Crispin. “We really don’t have time for this now.”

This time Leo made even more noises. Some of them were swear words nasty enough to have curdled milk, had they been intelligible.

Cypher and Dietrich were both rolling their eyes at him, Aspin muttered something about somehow muted Leo was even worse than the regular Leo, and Minkis had apparently found an acorn somewhere—how did he do that?— and was eating it on Crispin’s shoulder. The WOLFs wagged their tails, but that only made Leo feel worse that he couldn’t make his intentions clear.

Oberon had been right, hadn’t he? I’m stupid. Not smart like Crispin, not heroic like the Legolas-adjacent Aspin, not studly woodsman like Dietrich. Just dumb and useless, and everything he touched turned to shit, and he didn’t deserve to be loved by a fae king. He didn’t deserve anything. He never should have let himself be dragged out of his rathole Sacramento apartment. He never should have been created. Leo started to sag, meaning to end up on the floor where he’d simply will himself into gray clouds of nothingness.

But Crispin caught his shoulders and looked into his eyes. “I’m not sure what you’re thinking, but I can tell it isn’t good. We’re so close to curing you of yet another curse and rescuing my mother. So close, Leo! And we’d never have made it this far without you. I love you. So hold yourself together, and before you know it, we’ll be home, snuggled on your awful couch and eating crumpets.”

The thing was, when Crispin believed in him, Leo couldn’t help believing in himself. He mentally told Oberon what he could do with his negativity, and then he straightened his back and took a few calming breaths. Through his nose, of course, since his mouth was still magically zipped.

He imagined that Crispin was the one who couldn’t talk but needed to express something important. WWCD—what would Crispin do?

Ah. Leo stomped over to a very cute waiter whose lederhosen excelled at showing off his nice legs, and yanked a pad of paper and pencil out of the pocket.

The waiter just gaped.

Leo hurried back behind the bar and scribbled quickly: Ask the WOLFs if they’re willing to go.

Crispin picked up the pad and squinted at it. “Ash me woys— Leo, I’m sorry, but your handwriting is appalling.”

With a muffled growl, Leo grabbed the pad and tried again, this time in block letters.

“Oh,” said Crispin. “Oh! I understand. You want affirmative consent.” His gaze turned momentarily soft. “You really are a very good person. It didn’t even occur to me to ask. And our other companions either didn’t think of it or didn’t care. But you did.” He leaned in and kissed Leo’s cheek.